Archive of ‘heart matters’ category


My grandma passed away yesterday morning. I had to say farewell to the lady that was more than just a grandma to me. She raised my sis, bro and I, so it is a big loss in our family. It was a very quick burial, because she was Muslim and they believe that the dead must be buried before the sun goes down. So it was all very impersonal and formal – altho, we shed alot of tears.

I found myself feeling very guilty and tired and angry at myself, for not being more of a granddaughter. I could’ve been a better one. I could’ve done more. I don’t know. I guess its to late to turn back time now. Yeah yeah yeah and I know that there is no condemnation in Christ. But I am filled with regret and heartache. Strange how its the only things comforting me right now, as scary as that sounds.

I was reading Romans, Jeremiah and Isaiah last night. I needed to hear from God so bad. And then He gave me Isaiah 44:22-24.
21-22″Remember these things, O Jacob. Take it seriously, Israel, that you’re my servant. I made you, shaped you: You’re my servant. O Israel, I’ll never forget you. I’ve wiped the slate of all your wrongdoings. There’s nothing left of your sins. Come back to me, come back. I’ve redeemed you.” 23High heavens, sing! God has done it. Deep earth, shout! And you mountains, sing! A forest choir of oaks and pines and cedars! God has redeemed Jacob. God’s glory is on display in Israel.

I know that He loves me and that in His eyes I’m still a princess. Gotta soak that up right now, I guess and start healing. Hope you’re having an awesome week.


God in every season

I often take comfort in the fact that God is God. Always the same, always powerful, always there, even when I change. Sometimes, when I’m having one of my “Luchae Moments” (they happen often 🙂 I remind myself that MY God is the God of Abraham. MY God is the God of David. MY God is the Father that Jesus prayed to. He goes way back like that. And He has never ever changed or redirected His love from me.

Hmmm where am I going to with this? Okay… So for our Arise Womens Conference this year, our theme song is called “Desert Song” by Brooke Fraser and the hook of the song goes:

All of my life, in every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Those words hold so much truth! And I guess this is what I’m meant to blog about today. Because we go through SO many season in our lives. A season of pruning, preparation, growth, harvest and more. Whatever you’re going through right now is only for a season and instead of fighting it, you could be going: “Sup God? What would You like me to do right now?” Having a fantastic prayer life could only really help you understand and accept what it is you’re supposed to be doing or learning in the season that you are currently in.

I remember a time when I was cut off from ALL my old friends and felt really sorry for myself, until I realized that it was a season and I needed to learn something out of it. Now I have many friends who are so close to me that I call them FAMILY. It’s crazy. But so awesome.

What season are you in? Are you in a season of harvest where you have it all and more keeps coming? Maybe you’re supposed to be sowing into someone else’s life. Are you in a season of pruning and it feels as if you’re losing everything and it hurts like crazy? Maybe God is removing certain things from your life so that you can grow tall. Are you in a season of productivity? Maybe you should revaluate what your fruits are.

God uses it all for His glory and for your benefit. That’s how He rolls. And through it all… through every up and down… God is still God. There is good in the season you are in right now even if you don’t see it or understand it and for that, you have a reason to praise His name. He is faithful every single time! This is truth.

Ecclesiastes 3:1
‘For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven.’

Duh! Yes, you’re suppose to read my mind!

Sometimes I wonder what God was thinking when He created the female brain.
Coz I sure as heck don’t understand it. And I’ve got one!

I was just pondering on the fact that sometimes I want something to be done, but I don’t want to have to say it. My thought processes are normally like:
“I’m fine! :)”    
**I am SO not fine with this!** 

“No, its cool you don’t have to do it! :)”    
**If you don’t do it I am going to think you to death!!** 

“What makes you think I’m upset?? I’m not upset :)”    

“I dont mind if you do that! :)” 
**Gasp! How dare you! Is nothing sacred anymore?!** 

And the beat goes on.

Now, this could just be MY thought processes since I am the over-achiever-always-nice-to-everyone girl who tries to be the perfect girlfriend, but I have a feeling similar patterns run through ALL female brains. This now makes me realize why my boyfriend is always quiet when he thinks I’m upset – Maybe its coz hes not sure whether I actually am. **He’s just suppose to KNOW that I’m upset!! Why should I tell him?! Hmmf!!!!**
🙂 bwahahaha

Anyways, point:
I guess how will he know if I don’t tell him. Right?
I mean, who am I, Professor Brain Doctor, trying to teach him how to pay attention to my every need and stuff? If I want an ice cream cone with chocolate sprinkles, I say “Hi, please can I have an ice cream cone with chocolate sprinkles?” and if I get the wrong one, then I can throw him with a chair or something. But why throw the chair if he doesn’t even know you want chocolate sprinkles?
Save the chair. Until you have a good enough reason. The chair will always be there.
Okay now I’m rambling.

I guess there are just some things that men are suppose to KNOW.
Like, hello, you cannot watch Rugby on Valentines Day and expect me to be okay.
And no, you cannot take your friends to our secret romantic spot and “chill”.
Some things are just suppose to be KNOWN.

If women are from Venus and men are from Mars, then this means that they should have a highly developed sense of ESP.
This is my story and I’m sticking to it.

Pardy hardy

I always find it difficult to blog about hardship or heartache because I feel like it contradicts what I believe in. I think that I am in a season where its just before the finished line for this season, but I kinda have to keep pushing and keep going … through the fatigue, through the cramps, through the junk in my mind, through the crazy people on the side lines making me feel like I suck…
Its easier than it sounds.
I mean, I feel like giving up SO many times!
But God keeps reminding me that He has a plan and a purpose.
Hes like… “I know what I’m doing child!”

Ive got so many questions and so many little holes in my heart that needs plasters … I literally feel like my joy is seeping out… 🙂
Yeah yeah yeah joy comes in the morning hahahahahaha
Im laughing coz its crazy-wonderful coz you really cant be a Christian and be depro at the same time. Coz the Holy Spirits always hanging around, reminding you that all the negative stuff you’re hearing in your head is just: “lies and you know it!”
And you’re like… aaaack, but I wana hava pity party and feel sorry for myself!
LOL its wack.
Its like, we need to feel sorry for ourselves to make ourselves feel better even though we arent really feeling better.

In other news: Ive been wearing the same long black socks for the past 3 days.
Whaaaat? They are warm 🙂

Now that thats off my chest, let me go and NOT have a pity party!
Woohoo!! No pardy over here!

Love, Peace and Harmony

“But thanks be to God, Who in Christ always leads us in triumph…”
(2 Corinthians 2:14, AMP)


Professional Christian

A had a revelation earlier: I am pretty good at being a professional Christian. And the crowd goes: “Say what?!” What I mean is: I know all the songs, I attend church more regularly than a regular, I am involved and committed. I run a Connect group. I am a member of a Family Group. I follow all the so called “rules”, so I’ve pretty much got this whole Christian thing waxed hey.

But what do any of this mean, when I’m in hot water? I’m not saying that all the stuff I’ve just mentioned is replaceable or not important. It is. But all of those things WITHOUT a relationship with God is empty. Having a relationship with HIM is what this whole Christian thing is all about. I can follow all the rules and laws – and do it because I have to – and I will be as empty as the reasons behind why I’m doing them. Without relationship, all the doing becomes… well.. just DOING.

We think we’ve got it all waxed until the moment where we find ourselves shoulders deep in nonsense.  And truth be told, no matter what you’re “doing” or “not doing”, the only thing that will make sense to you in those moments, is your relationship with Him. Knowing Him is the only thing that can get you through it.
Romans 8:18 says that all the present suffering we go through does not compare to all the good stuff to come. And Phillipans 1:16 says that God will never ever end in a negative. So once you take a step towards knowing Him – really knowing Him – His words become a reality in your life. And soon those realities become YOUR reality. Your situation will never end badly… He doesn’t roll like that. If things seem pretty dull to you right now, just hang on and trust in Him because that just means that the good parts are still on their way.

So being a professional Christian holds no perks for me.

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