My teenage crush didn’t know that we were in a relationship

Come on friends, I’m sure we were all guilty of crushing on a Hollywood heartthrob at some point in our young lives. You know what I’m talking about… that ‘lay in bed, poster on the ceiling, write his name all over our school books’ kinda infatuation that could only be cured by seeing what your first name would look like with his last name next to it. (Tip: Vin Diesel’s surname isn’t really Diesel.)

The Tom Cruise’s and Leonardo diCaprio’s of our time could certainly rival today’s celebrity dreamboat’s and they’d probably win by a mile. (Or is that the ‘old aunty’ in me talking?) I mean, what do these teenyboppers know about Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt and Will Smith when they were in their prime? Nothing. Nothing, you hear me?!

(Shout out to YOU magazine for providing us with solid centerpiece posters to bedeck the walls of our bedrooms until it’s discolored pages had to be removed by the oily prestik’d corners.)

Hands up if you were convinced that Usher would marry you, if only he saw your cleverly choreographed moves, obviously made up while watching his music videos on Channel O.

And then while we are on the topic, keep your hands up if you knew the dance moves to ‘N Sync’s “Bye, Bye, Bye.” Own it sister, that’s something to be proud of. Not a single booty roll to be found in the whole sequence. The young people will never understand.

And then, okay be honest, but which Backstreet Boy was your boyfriend? (Nick Carter is the obvious answer, but you can say Kevin too.)

Anyone else still feel heartbreak at the mere thought of Ryan Phillipe’s character dying in Cruel Intentions? How about the disdain when Dawson Creek’s James van der Beek loses to Pacey. Or the soul shatter when Rose (Titanic) watches as Jack’s frozen body sinks into the ocean? (Seriously, Rose, there was enough room on that floating door for the both of you, but that’s another post for another day.)

My crush was a certain young man, named Taylor, from a boy band called Hanson. My relationship with Taylor was unlike any other. I mean, for starters, he didn’t know I existed (minor setbacks). I would listen to their (probably one and only) hit song, Mmmbop, over and over with tears in my eyes as I fervently pray that the stars would align, leading young Taylor straight to my front door.

These days I fangirl over things like a well thought out room and a three ingredient Instant Pot recipe. I find myself downloading wallpapers of beautiful beaches, rather than handsome faces, and I dream about a day when a prince on a horse would… well… come and clean my house, while I sip on coffee and eat copious amounts of donuts without picking up weight. You know, the usual stuff.

But, for the most part, I think back to my day of pining after a gorgeous celebrity and I smile. I mean, sure, my crushing gave me unrealistic expectations (eg. demanding that my future husband sing like Boys II Men’s Wanya Morris. Sorry Chris.).

But I smile because I’m older and wiser now and I’ve come to realise that my fan girling and celebrity crushing kinda helped those heartthrob’s to maintain their careers (except for diCaprio… hush your mouth when you talk about Leo!)

That’s right my friends, our fan girling helped our celeb crushes to secure fame, you guys. Young girls are the wheel that keeps the pop culture engine a-turning. Teenage girls have power.

So, in essence, your crush needed you more than you needed him. Who’s the dreamboat now?

Drop me a comment below and let me know who your teenage celeb crush was. 

Images:
Karen Arnold from Pixabay
Memo Aponte Mille
Uptown Night Club
Hansonstage