Co-parenting drama in December? Ho, Ho, NO!
I’m quite fond of my children. I mean, I totally don’t want to get rid of them, if you know what I mean. It’s amazing how you’re never quite a pro, at parenting, even if you’ve been at it for a long time. And when it comes to co-parenting, even more so! Kyle is in his teens already and I still feel like I don’t know what the heck to do with my emotions in December! The end of each year always has me feeling all the parenting feels because he travels to his dad, to spend December with his other family. Yep, more than 10 years of him not being with me on Christmas day, and my heart still feels as if it’s beat-boxing to Gangnam Style when he gets on the plane. But, as much as I hate it seeing him go, I refuse to partake in co-parenting drama in December.
For starters, the kid didn’t choose this life. So I’m not about to insert my #momfeelings into the equation simply because I feel more entitled to having him with me. Truth be told, he needs both me and his dad. I’m not the Beyonce of this situation. We are all in it together. And, if we want to be fair about this thing, December is the longest time he spends with his dad, step mom and siblings. It sucks for me but Kyle is super duper excited. It’s a worthy sacrifice in my opinion.
Obviously, I’m still a mom and I’m never quite at peace until my boy is home; safe and soundly annoying the living daylights out of me, as he does. So until he gets back, I usually check up on him as often as I can. And I pray a lot, a lot, a lot. Seth, on the other hand is quite blessed to have both sets of parents in the same city. So Christmas with him usually means seeing him for only half the day. I feel like we’ve got this festive season co-parenting gig sorted. But I was wondering how other co-parenters do it. I mean, is there a trick to it? Well, this is what I found online:
When co-parenting in December, always be mindful of:
1. The other parent’s time. I mean, sure they should just be flippen grateful that they get to see the kid at all. Right? Wrong. We are all human beings and we all deserve respect, yo. In most cases, the usual “even split”, which sees the kid with one parent in the morning, and the other parent in the evening, works like the bomb dot com. My suggestion? Talk to one another and reach a compromise, without the intense desire to be the “winner”, in the situation. How about letting the kid be the winner?
2. Long distance love. For those co-parenting from different cities, a great idea would be a week split. One parent gets the kid for the week leading up to Christmas and Christmas day, and the other for the week leading up to New Years, and New Years day. Win-win, really.
3. The gifts. We had a situation, one year, where one of the parents in our quadruple parenting situation was not happy with a gift that was given to one of the kids. It reminded me that we need to be mindful of each other, when it comes to gift giving too! Kyles dad and I now regularly have “so what are you getting him?” conversations, which is helpful.
4. Traditions. I’m big on traditions. Like, to me, Christmas tradition is almost as important as Christmas day. There, I said it. I appreciate when the boys are allowed to partake in my Christmas crazy, because I mean, what are traditions without having your whole family with you? (Or staring at you, as if you’re a loony toon)
5. The other family. I mean, ignoring your ex and the other family is pretty easy, I’m sure. But we’re not good at playing that game, at our house. Mainly because our boys are always so eager to tell us what went down, who got which gifts and all the funny things that happened. We encourage it! Christmas cheer is Christmas cheer, yo! We’ll take what we can get! But it also sets your kid at ease, and kinda makes them feel like it’s OKAY TO FEEL GOOD about spending time with the other family.
So what do you guys think? Can any of my co-parenters relate to any of this? Drop your comments below. I mean, as I said in the beginning, 16 years later and I still learn something new every year! At the end of the day, your kid is what matters. Don’t be a jerk. That’s is all.
18 Comments
Chantal
Awesome article .
This will be our second co parenting Christmas , same city … damn! same suburb. Im not sure how i feel about it still , besides that its taxing on the kids , i mean my 18 year old daughter has already asked does she still need to do this one weekend here one weekend there thing. I like me tradition , he isnt that into tradition , so i worry that it wont feel like Christmas for the kids if there isnt all the “trimmings and bells” , i mean they grew up with it for 17 years. And i cant really go and trim up his home LOL. The other thing the erks me is the gifts … i feel its a bit of a competition to buy BIGGER & BETTER than moms gift ( but thats all mom can afford right now)
Then there is the thing of leaving them to be “babysat” while he if off to where ever.
So co parenting during the holidays takes a bit of getting used to ….. Then there is still New Years Eve to think about. Love reading your page.
Luchae
Ahhh hugs Chantal! I know how difficult it can be in the beginning. I’m sure you’re doing a great job, regardless!!
Crystal
Great read!
Luchae
Dankie 🙂
Crystal
You actually put yourself in both parents shoes without being biased. You take FACTS and present it on such a way that will be helpful to us as single mothers having to do most things on our own especially when the father is living in another city.I’m glad I came across this blog.☺
Luchae
Yep… I’ve been on a 12 year journey with every single angle of step-parenting and co-parenting and I never ever stop learning
Tanya
I have two stepdaughters and we normally alternate christmas day. One year with us, the next with the other parents. Kids dont stay with us, so i love having them over for the school holidays. Love it when my home is bussling with kids!
Luchae
Same here! Although it’s a lot more work… atleast they can help with the dishes hahaha
Clarice Geduld
I’m not a other but I once dated a guy with alot of baby momma drama so I applaud you for putting your child’s needs before your own. It takes alot of grace and love for your child to put he’s emotions above your own. The level of grace you showing is such a clear indication of how submissive you are to God and you you are living your life as a testimont that obstacles can be overcome. You are radiating in God’s love. Keep up the phenomenonal parenting.
From a childless daughter of a king â™”
Luchae
Thank you my friend. I think that I would probably lose my marbles, if it weren’t for divine intervention and Godly wisdom.
Melissa Javan
Interesting post. I love how you handling things.
Luchae
Thank you Mel… it’s not always easy, but its worth it
Miss T.
Your post is so full of wisdom, I wish my hubby’s baby mama could see this. It’s been nothing but drama over the last 4 years. This year he put his foot down and said he would like his son with him for Christmas and after much fighting she said yes. I just hope it really happens.
Luchae
Ahh, sending love and light your way! It can be such a tricky situation.
Pingback:
Pingback:
Teresa Breetzke Cox
Being co-parenting for years.. Lots of trouble but otherwise the last few years have been better. I belive its respect from both sides
Marthanigue Williams
My eldest daughter who is now 15 I have to share three ways. My parents, her dad and my husband and siblings. And its really hard. Like now, she is currently in East London, where she was only supposed to spend a week with my parents. The following week with her dad and then the week leading up to Christmas and new years with us. However she is now more than a week and a half at my parents and I have to now rearrange visiting times with her dad. So this time of the year is always stressful for me and then I have to contend with my two younger ones asking me where she is… Talk about good times, hey…