Dear telemarketer
My spreadsheet brain

Dear telemarketer… it’s not me, it’s you…

I’m not in the mood to be dramatic and emotional today, so I sha’nt, but for the love of all that is good and holy, can somebody please tell all the dear telemarketers of the world that we have a lot of children and not enough money to spend on every single product they try to sell us on the daily?!

The worst is when they act as if you’re being rude because your response to their (often deflated) sales pitch is no thank you. I mean, I get it Celeste, this is your job. Heck, I sell digital advertising for a living. Your pain is my pain, sister. But can you maybe not act as if I owe you a solid?

I mean, if part of your job is to cold call and sell cellphone contracts to people who currently have cellphone contracts (because you are, uhh, calling me on my actual phone… from whence the contract came) do it with some pizzazz man! Give it life! Make it fun! Or atleast be friendly and not long winding. (Tip: If you must read from a script, maybe don’t make it sound like it, Mark…)

Dear telemarketer

Secondly, no I don’t have a reason why I am not interested in upgrading my life policy. Oh wait, I do, I’M NOT INTERESTED. That’s my reason. I don’t owe you more information than that, Tshipo!

Thirdly, no I am not going to pass along contact details of friends who might be interested. Why? Well, mainly because I’d like to not be thrown with a shoe, the next time I enter my best friend’s house, thanks.

You guys, someone should write a “Telemarketers Etiquette” book. Please, I beg you. Where is Richard Branson when you need him?

In a nutshell, what I really came here to say was: Be kind to telemarketers, you guys! They are a demotivated folk who are probably tired of hearing people (like me) say no to them. There is only so much rejection the human heart can take, yo. BUT also, if you’re trying to get hold of me, and your number is hidden, chances are I will not be answering the call. You can thank Celeste for that.

Image: Freepik

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