do you have a favorite child
Parenting

Do you have a favorite child?

Okay, be honest (and you’re allowed to be… no judgies over here): do you have a favorite child?

Don’t look at me like that, Susan. I’m not asking you to pick which one you’d save in a fire. (But okay, while we’re on it, which one? Kidding!)

I know the immediate response to this question would be shock, horror, outrage, guilt. But having a favorite child is not as uncommon as you think.

I mean, if you had to take a quick scroll through my Instagram feed you would see that I talk about some of my kids a heck of a lot more than I do the others. I’m not even going to deny it. It’s there.

But, to be honest, when it comes to topics of conversation, Jonah’s drummer antics and Kari’s love for fashion honestly feels a lot more “sharey” than telling people what colour Asher’s poo was yesterday.

And our teenage sons would rather I don’t take pics of them… or talk about them… or talk to them… or look at them for too long… or breathe in the same air as them…

So a lot of my current time is spent talking about my two littlest brats kids. It is what it is. That doesn’t mean that they are my favorites. Gasp! What type of a mom do you think I am?! (FYI: I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a cool mom. #moviequote)

But, what if I told you that research suggests that most parents have a favorite child. Some studies say that shared interests, birth order and gender play a huge part in this. And even if you feel that you don’t have a favorite, you most likely show preferential treatment to one of your kids, in some way or other.

Now, contrary to popular belief, having a favorite child doesn’t actually mean that you love one kid more than the other. People (you know, the clever people who get paid to find these things out) say that your perceived favorite usually is the one that your personality resonates with more.

Favoritism is essentially behavior-based… usually unconsciously. And it’s essentially very fluid, since you could probably change your mind about it every day/week/month.

So yes, a favorite child isn’t that uncommon. But, I mean, don’t go all crazy with the cherry-picking. You don’t want to unintentionally create a sibling rivalry (ala Mufasa vs Scar). Blatantly favoring one kid over the other could potentially create insecurities that would lay a foundation for deeper issues.

I guess you could say that the ideal solution would be to not have favorites. But, to me, I try to make them all my favorite. (I know, how whimsical sounding)

But seriously, you guys, if I had to choose a fave, it would be the child that is the most well behaved (because mama’s tired).

Except that Jonah is ALWAYS up to mischief… I often joke and say he’s the toughest one to keep alive, because he’s had so many accidents already (and he’s only 2!) But because of this, I find myself drawn to the little bugger. He defs is a favorite.

But as I say this, I know that Kari is my favorite to hang out with. I would choose spending time with her over any of the others. Kyle and Seth are favorites in their own right, in that they’ve been around since the beginning of time. (Well, since the beginning of time of our marriage). Kyle’s the one who made me a mom… we grew up together. He’s my favorite.

Seth’s the one who made me a bonus mom. He’s the most obedient out of all the kids. When I’m cooking, he’s the one I want to have around, because he’s so helpful. He’s definitely my fave.

Asher is the most adorablest baby in the world. How can he not be my favorite?!

So yes, as you can see, I’m kinda torn when it comes to choosing a favorite. I think that each of them are a favorite in their own special way. I mean, they each embody something that I love, treasure and favor.

But I’m definitely more aware of my subconscious motivations… striving to love each of them exactly how THEY NEED me to love them, as individuals. And being aware of the things that set them apart… all my favorite things about them.

And, if we’re going to be completely transparent about this, they all annoy me in equal parts, so I guess there’s an element of balance.

Leave a Reply