I recently went dress shopping and spotted a bunch of seriously cute (and seriously short) dresses. (Who are they making these things for? The smurfs?!) There were a few decent picks but, when I tried them on, I kinda knew that Hubstopher would not approve. Not that he regularly dresses me, I kinda wear what I want. But when it comes to the length of my skirt or the inches of cleavage that I am showcasing, he prefers to have the final say. And I let him. But I wondered if I was wrong in doing so. What would you do when husband says no to the dress?
I chatted to a few close sister-friends and received some mixed emotions regarding the situation. Some shared that they don’t believe that your husband gets a say in what you wear. If you want the dress, then buy the dress. OR he should have a pretty solid reason as to why you can’t buy the dress and it shouldn’t be focused around his ego or things like that. Other’s said that the marriage comes first and pleasing husband should be right up there on your list of important things to do.
After much conversating and debating, I ended up waiting for Hubstopher to give a thumbs up on the dress, and here’s why:
I think the idea behind being married is that you begin to share a life with someone else. The 2 of you make decisions together and build a home together… and these decisions would ultimately reflect in the type of lives you lead. Your decisions are also reflectant on who you are as a unit. You represent each other now. I represent Hubstopher and he represents me. (That’s why I iron his shirts ya’ll. haha) If I wear something that makes him uncomfortable, it makes me uncomfortable.
I married someone that I love and can trust. When we were dating, I knew that Hubstopher had the qualities I would want in a husband – someone I could honor and respect, as the head of our household. I believe that his decisions will always be in our best interest and that he will always want the best for me. Knowing that makes it easy for me to accept his advice or critique as a message of concern and not manipulation or control.
Choosing a life partner is a pretty big deal and I had to choose wisely. Let’s be honest girls, there are many glorious perks of being someone’s wife. I do love girl power ya’ll but I also appreciate that I am under my husband’s covering (care and protection) and that I am able to lean on him, without fail, when everything else seems to be failing dismally. So ya, I’ve put a lot of (healthy) expectation on this guy! (Don’t we all?) But with the “I do’s” came a huge responsibility on me too! Just like how I expect him to love and protect me, he expects me to honor and respect him. A friend told me that she will never ever dishonor her hubby in public (or in private, I guess) and that was such a powerful statement to me. If wearing that dress would make him feel dishonored then I’d rather ditch the dress. Like, for real, the dress is so not worth it.
I am old school and believe what the Bible says about wives submitting to husbands. (Look, if your husband is all of what I said above, then that should be an easy thing to do). As a strong, modern woman, being a submissive wife is no easy task. We seem to think that submission is a sign of weakness. But it is the total opposite. I mean, no one said anything about being timid. Submission is not a sign of value, it is a reflection of character and humility. Submitting does not make him more important and me less important. Submitting means that I allow him to take the lead and it means that he has the stuff it takes to be the leader. Submitting doesn’t mean that I don’t get to have a say. As another clever friend explained, a healthy marriage means that the 2 of you are in agreement… So in this case, I agree with his decision.
And finally, let me just keep it real, if homeboy made me wear polo-neck tops during the peak of Summer, then I would be a bit concerned. But, the fact that he only speaks up on the rare occasion, makes me sit up and listen! This is the husband of my youth and I plan to take what he says seriously until the day that I can’t remember who he is anymore. (Hehe)
And that’s that.
(BTW, turns out he likes the dress anyways! Go figure.)