the big regret

Single versus Married: the big regret

I have a beautiful, single friend who despises being single. She regrets not settling down sooner and often pines for a baby and is on that dating scene, hoping to meet her future husband and best friend. I’m the one sitting next to her, encouraging her to enjoy this season, saying things like, “Girl, you can literally do anything you want right now!” I mean, the last time I could do anything I wanted to, was maybe that half an hour before the kids wake up on a blue Monday morning. To a single person, being single feels like a burden. But to those of us who are followed around by a small army daily, it sounds like a dream, right?

Well, the other day, while staring at a pile of washing that needed to be folded (and by staring, I do mean glaring menacingly) I suddenly had a thought: where would I be today, if I had I not gotten married? I mean, before I met Chris, I had been rocking single motherhood (self proclaimed rocking) – doing life with my baby boy and crushing it.

If I had remained single, with Kyle finishing high school this year, the world would literally have been our oyster! But alas, I chose marriage and guys, with the addition of each child, life got a lot more messier, crazier and busier.

So I found myself staring into space like a Forester, and reminiscing on a time when life was easier, wondering if I would have been a super star by now if I had chosen to remain single. (We dream these dreams, let’s not even front.)

Would I have been less tired? More in shape? Maybe. On a different career path? Probably. Heck, maybe this blog would not have been in existence. And I definitely wouldn’t be folding copious amounts of laundry each week, that’s for sure.

But would a life of simplicity and freedom have been enough for me?

Now, yes, I am aware that these thoughts were merrily a distraction to avoid the actual folding of the laundry. (Same like when I sit on the couch and plan what I’ll do with my millions one day, when I’m suppose to be cleaning the kitchen). But it was a great moment to sit and reflect on the seasons of life.

The thing about choosing marriage and all that comes with it is that you kinda have to accept the sacrifice of parenthood and the unselfishness of being married and staying married. Maybe things would have been a lot easier if I had just said no to all the responsibility and sacrifice that came with the ring when Chris popped the question.

But my single friend, and her deep regret, reminded me of this thing about seasons and how there is beauty and necessity in every season of our lives.

Life is ever changing, ever evolving. And as we grow, our needs and desires shift and change. For some of us, that may mean that we rock our singledom for a longer period (or indefinitely) and have a whole bunch of other things to focus our time on. And that’s okay.

And for others, like me, it may mean that we’ve had our taste of being single (and “free”, as the term may imply) and that we don’t regret a thing. I mean, I wouldn’t trade my new life for that freedom if it means going without tiny arms wrapped around my legs, as I try to cook. Maybe freedom looks a little bit different to me now?

So, in retrospect, if you had to ask me which one is better, being single or being married, I guess I can’t really choose which one of these is the best thing.

My couch sitting and laundry glaring brought me to the conclusion that none of it is… well, none of it is the best thing, I mean. Because, I guess you’re only ever happy when you embrace the moment you’re in right now, instead of pining away for something else.

So I guess embracing your season, is the best thing.


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