Farewell

My grandma passed away yesterday morning. I had to say farewell to the lady that was more than just a grandma to me. She raised my sis, bro and I, so it is a big loss in our family. It was a very quick burial, because she was Muslim and they believe that the dead must be buried before the sun goes down. So it was all very impersonal and formal – altho, we shed alot of tears.

I found myself feeling very guilty and tired and angry at myself, for not being more of a granddaughter. I could’ve been a better one. I could’ve done more. I don’t know. I guess its to late to turn back time now. Yeah yeah yeah and I know that there is no condemnation in Christ. But I am filled with regret and heartache. Strange how its the only things comforting me right now, as scary as that sounds.

I was reading Romans, Jeremiah and Isaiah last night. I needed to hear from God so bad. And then He gave me Isaiah 44:22-24.
21-22″Remember these things, O Jacob. Take it seriously, Israel, that you’re my servant. I made you, shaped you: You’re my servant. O Israel, I’ll never forget you. I’ve wiped the slate of all your wrongdoings. There’s nothing left of your sins. Come back to me, come back. I’ve redeemed you.” 23High heavens, sing! God has done it. Deep earth, shout! And you mountains, sing! A forest choir of oaks and pines and cedars! God has redeemed Jacob. God’s glory is on display in Israel.

I know that He loves me and that in His eyes I’m still a princess. Gotta soak that up right now, I guess and start healing. Hope you’re having an awesome week.