Dear ‘friend who is no longer my friend’. I know it’s been a while since we last spoke. Even though we’ve exchanged online glances… and real life ones, as we avoid each other in shopping malls, pretending not to see.
How are you? You popped into my head space a few times this past month (thanks a lot Facebook ‘On This Day’). I know that we’ve totally moved on from each other… let’s keep it real, we don’t even have the same interests anymore. But I was wondering if you still remember all those great moments we shared. Those were the best times.
Remember your cousins wedding? We danced so much and cried through all the speeches – the passion and zeal of our youth overtaking us and making every single moment the most important moment of our lives. I also remember when I caught my (then) boyfriend attempting to cheat on me (to me it was world changing… to him, it was just Tuesday). You told me that I was worth more and that if I don’t stop running after him, you’ll beat me up with a stick. I remember the time you got into a car crash with your mom’s car. I don’t regret staying by your side the entire time, as you gave your statement to the police.
What changed? Well, that’s a bit rhetorical – I know what changed. I changed. You changed. And that’s okay. I mean, who wants to be the same person for the rest of your life?! It’s a pretty mundane expectation. I can’t apologise for being a different girl to the one you knew… the one who had no direction in life and partied with you until the sun came up and sat on beach chairs, drinking vodka, until it went down again. That is not who I am anymore.
And hey, my transformation had nothing to do with you. In fact, it had everything to do with me and the God of my life. He had a bigger plan and I decided to roll with that. Somehow, in the middle of the whirlwind, as I gave up my old life (and my old habits) for something else, our friendship fell away too. I don’t think it was intentional – for either of us.
I’m sorry if you feel that I neglected our relationship. And I’m sorry if my sudden changes made you feel as if I was saying that your way of doing things is inferior. I’m sorry if I acted as if all our special quirks and memories meant nothing. But I can’t apologise for being who I am today. I hope you understand.
Anyways, I don’t expect this to resurrect an outdated friendship that we’ve both outgrown. It just feels weird to not acknowledge you when we have a deep well of history together. I believe that certain relationships are planted in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I hope that my season in yours was fruitful and that you look back at all our crazy with fondness and not regret. Because I certainly do.