I recently had a very long chat, with a very old friend of mine and it was filled with all sorts of complaining. We moaned about the fact that we are getting old. She showed me her swollen thumb. I told her that I don’t understand how people make Tik Toks that requires 7 outfit changes. We both need more money.
I mean, if you were a fly on the wall, you would wonder why on earth we would dedicate a whole conversation to, well… moaning.
The thing is this though… why would we not?
I have a lot of friends – really great pals, all of them. People who will be there for me in a time of need. Friends who cooked for me, after the birth of my baby, when I was so exhausted I could barely get out of bed. Friends who comforted me during the big Covid losses of last year. Friends who laugh at my jokes – even though we all know that my jokes are questionable. Friends who tell me that I look nice, when all I did was wash my hair.
I have friends who reprimand me when I don’t go to the doctor to tend to my eina shoulder. Friends who love my kids as if they are their very own. Friends who speak highly of me, even when I’m not around to hear it. And I have friends who like my Instagram posts even though the post is about something that they have no interest in at all. (True friendship, yo #amiright)
I have friends who I don’t speak to for, like, a whole year – but we still have that instant connection when we do.
And then I have friends – a select few – who I share my vulnerability with. These are the absolute gems who get to see my ugly. (The lucky fools muahaha)
Our convos usually go “I know Im being rude right now but I don’t understand why…” OR “I’m sorry to say this but…”
For the most part, we allow ourselves to be open and vulerable with each other. We offer insight and – hey – correction where needed. But we mainly find healing and freedom in being able to say exactly what we are thinking, knowing that there will be absolutely no judgement at all.
Because, at the end of the day, we all have insecurities. And, let’s be honest ladies, we often struggle to put these insecurities on display. I mean, we don’t want our insecurities to define who we are.
These unicorn pals are a safe place… a sounding board… a shoulder and an ear. And they usually understand your crazy, which helps.
Anyways, after chatting to my pal, and reflecting on how I offloaded so much of my current concerns (some, totally irrational) into this one message to her, I marveled on the beauty of our friendship. I mean, I felt a whole lot better after the conversation. I felt heard.
It also made me wonder: do I leave MY friends feeling the same way? What kind of friend am I?
Am I a “no judgement” friend? Is my friendship a safe space to someone? Do I allow my pals to be exactly who they are – no masks needed?
Or do my friends feel as if they need to be a specific person around me. Do I grant my friends the freedom to be express themselves, around me?
Maya Angelou said that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. I am committed to being more mindful of how I make my friends feel.
How about you? What kind of friend are you?