2020: Four funerals and a wedding

It’s been the best of times, it’s been the worst of times.
I mean, besides for learning how to bake our own banana bread, 2020 has been showing us flames.

Our “best of times” included the occasional Zoom wedding (which is pure genius, btw…). As human beings, we have somehow mastered the art of staying connected, without being in the same room. I dig that.

Our “worst of times” involved losing many loved ones over a short period of time. And, honestly friends, death had always been a far off notion, for me, until this year. We’ve become heavily acquainted with grief.

You don’t fully appreciate your time on earth until you’ve witnessed a life snuffed out without warning. Or until you’ve made plans with someone for the future, and then had to pencil in their funeral on the same calendar. So yes, experiencing loss has been something spectacular.

And I don’t use the word “spectacular” loosely.

It’s the best way to describe this glorious circle of life – a grand design that God had gifted to us, with the intention that we’d end our race well.

It made me relook at what I value most and how I spend my time. Will I end MY race well?

I mean, YOLO isn’t a hippie term reserved for people who matriculated in 2010 – a romantic notion reserved only for gangsters and those who enjoy sky diving. You only live once, Charles! That’s it!

What type of legacy are you leaving behind?

I’ve started to ask myself questions such as:
What will my children know about me? How have I left my mark – and God’s mark – on my family and on the world? Am I chasing the right things, or am I too focused on instant gratification, titles and material obsessions?

Am I walking in my God-given purpose? Do I even know what my God-given purpose is? And how will I know what my purpose is, if I don’t pay attention to my relationship with God?

I should be nicer to my husband. I really need to be more intentional with my marriage. How can I honor my husband? I should bake him a banana bread tomorrow. 
(Disclaimer: These are actual thoughts that run through my head at 2AM, when I should be sleeping)

It has been a year of introspection for me. I mean, besides for learning how to bake banana bread (and then baking it, like, one time). And while the “worst of times” may feel kinda, you know, overpowering at times, I’ve vowed that it would not leave me untouched.

Every single life lost – every tear shed – every premature goodbye… it can’t be in vain.

I just can’t continue to live my life the same way I had before. Where is the lesson in that? Where is the honor in that? What’s the point of surviving 2020 when we come out looking the exact same way that we did, at the start of the year?

So, yes… it’s been the best of times AND it’s been the worst of times. But we get another chance to try again. I’m thankful for that.