social media is a lie
Heart matters

My social media is a lie

I try not to catch feelings. Mainly because catching feelings means that my hands are full. It hinders my productivity.

But, the truth is that I DO catch feelings sometimes… and like an expert nogals. In fact, my husband would tell you that on a particularly challenging day, I’d be out here catching feelings like Mark Boucher in his heyday. So that’s, like, a lot of feelings being caught.

Why the monologue about catching feelings?

Well, Gladys, if you follow me on the socials you’ll know that we’ve experienced a lot of loss this year. Having to watch our loved ones say goodbye to family members, on repeat, over a span of four months, has sucked tremendously.

Add the ‘Zoom funeral’ element to the mix and you have the making of a really terrible, depressing TV show… but like, imagine it’s an omnibus.

One tries to be encouraging and positive and upbeat and supportive, during these times. But grief has a way of creeping up on you. And, in our case, it’s a lot of… uh… second-hand grief (is that a thing?) because we’re kinda grieving WITH family and friends who are grieving.

My point is that it sucks. And you literally can’t escape it. The best you can do is to go through the motions of dealing with it. Me, I often deal in silence. But after experiencing a particularly kaka day a few weeks ago, I was scrolling through Instagram and had a moment where I wondered what my life looks like on social media.

I mean, one could look at my social media feed and marvel at how fantastic things are, with my fun updates and many gorgeous children running around. It’s very “cool Disney movie” looking.  But alas, Facebook and Instagram are not a true narrative, should you want to know exactly how things are in our neck of the woods.

The truth is that social media is NOT the truth.

I must admit, I’m totes guilty of checking out all of your Facebook posts and wondering when I’ll get to go on that island holiday. Or when I’ll be able to afford that giant house. Or whether I can get my hair to look like that too. “Will I ever be that happy? She probably never has a bad day.”

Social media is a highlight reel – everyone shares their best moments. But girrrrrrl, life is messy! My best moments are usually elevated by the really challenging, crappy moments.

Whether you’ve experienced loss too, or you’re deep in the financial popo, or dealing with relationship drama. Whether your work life is a nightmare or you have health issues or you feel as if you’re married to the spawn of Chucky. I mean, whatever your challenge is… we’re all dealing with some kind of ish.

And yaaaaaaaa, my way of “dealing” is to just be quiet.

“Doing it for the gram” has become secondary to my actual mental health. If I don’t feel particularly smiley, then you probably won’t find me posting anything. And although it is harmful to my side hustle (aka this social media influencer thing that I do….. yes roll your eyes Debbie, no one cares) I’d much rather “hurt” my numbers, than my actual heart, right now.

As much as I enjoy oversharing, there are some things I refuse to talk about. And that’s okay too. I have my moments with God and He kinda is the best listener. Speaking your truth – loudly, for the whole world to see – is brave and it can bring healing. But sometimes chilling in silence and processing quietly is amazing too.

Anyways, the point of this post is to remind you to check on your friend who seems to be living that perfect Instagram life. Heck, check on yourself too, mama! Putting pressure on yourself to be 100% okay all the time is not healthy.

Take a moment. Put your cellphone down.

Breathe life in. Hold for a few seconds. Then let it go.


  • Kim Muller

    I have been soooooo quiet on Instagram the last little while because of exactly this. I was catching feelings all the time and wondering why I’m so miserable when everyone else is happy. I lost my words because I was constantly comparing myself, telling myself my life isn’t insta worthy enough to bother posting. I’ve been focused on followers instead of just posting for myself and I’ve had to take a hard long look at what I was doing to myself. I’m still a long ways away from coming back to how I was but I think lockdown has messed with us in more ways than one, emotionally, our psyche, how we see ourselves, what we value, etc.

  • Venean

    Yep. This. It’s been a long hard lockdown. Loss has been evident throughout and my heart was never ready. Socials have been last on mind but I sometimes feel like sharing a little peak into what I’m thinking helps. Girl you know writing has always been a sense of relief for me heaven help those insta captions but I do need to find better ways because comparison really is the thief of joy and even if you are super disciplined I still think you’re silently comparing.

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