Why can't women be happy for other women
Heart matters

Why can’t women be happy for other women?

I’ve figured it out. Well, atleast I think I did. I think I know why there is a constant case of cant-be-happy-for-each-other-itis between us ladies. I mean, come on, let’s be honest, shall we? We’re pretty good at hating on each other. Don’t look at me like that, you know it’s true. We are the queens of throwing shade, especially at another female’s perceived success… even more so at her failures. Why do we do it, friends? Why can’t women be happy for other women?

So I’ve decided to bare the brunt, and the back lash, to attempt to solve this mystery. My analyses was based on a bunch of different things. For starters, I watch a lot of TV, so that’s got to count for something. Secondly I have the life experience to back it up. I mean, in my many years of being alive, I’ve been best friends, good friends, friends-friends and frenemies. I know what it feels like to be stabbed in the back AND to be a ninja warrior back stabber. And thirdly, I’ve counselled women who have been hurt by sisters and friends. I’ve also sat in gossip sessions and heard how we pick females apart, like birds of prey to a dying carcass. We are ruthless.

So why do we do it? Why do we scrutinize each other? I mean, do we not have enough struggle to deal with, as women in a male dominated world filled with reasons why we need to watch what we wear and which jobs we apply for? One would think that in this great big ‘Sisterhood of the World’, we would be celebrating and looking out for each other. But alas, this is not the trend.

Women can be savage. And I think I’ve figured out why. And if I’m right, you guys, it’s kinda dumb. So we need to stop like, pronto.

Why can't women be happy for other women

I think that women struggle to celebrate each other because deep down in our psychological wells of misinformation, we somehow believe that the pie is not big enough for all of us. It’s almost as if we don’t believe that there’s enough success, happiness, toned abs and hunky boyfriends for everyone. I mean, there is no quota when it comes to God dishing out happiness. And yet, when someone else is doing well, we somehow trick ourselves into believing that that’s it… let’s throw in the towel… Susan just got the most amazing promotion, this means that I can never ever ever get a promotion ever again in my whole life and therefore Susan does not deserve to be happy. Warning! Warning! Do not be happy for Susan. I repeat, do not be happy for Susan!

Okay, that was a tad bit dramatic. But I hope you get where I’m going with this (even though I’m taking the scenic route). And yes, I hear you Suzette. You’re going: “Argh, Luchae, it’s not that I’m not happy for Cynthia! It’s just that she annoys me and freedom of speech is a real thing, so I don’t feel bad for telling people the truth.”

But hey, guess what Suzette, (and I’m quoting a very wise friend): If you have too much fun discussing and putting down other people, you need to check yourself, girl! There is enough opportunity for every single hard working lady to get her manicured hands on! And maybe Maggie’s version of a happy life looks different to yours. Or maybe Mindy’s career move, or decision with regards to child rearing, looks exactly like yours. Oh well. That’s nice for them. But that’s not YOUR life.

You do you boo. And kick ass at it! But while you’re at it, don’t forget to applaud and share some light with the next woman. You don’t know how many sacrifices she’s had to make to get where she is. And while you can’t physically share in her success, surely you can cut out the negative comments and back biting? I mean, seriously, there is enough happy for all of us.


  • An Ordinary Gal

    I think as long as we’re conscious about how we are trying to remedy the situation, things can change. If we are cheerleaders, supporting…stopping the gossip, it may make other people stop to think and change their ways?

    In blogging I’ve been fortunate to make some great friends who don’t seem to mind sharing the pie. In my personal life, there are the people that don’t support my dreams…or can’t be happy for me… I just tend to ignore the silence and negativity from that side. Focus on the ones that are the cheerleaders and the pie sharers <3

  • ameliameyer

    Totally agree with the pie comment (not being enough to go around AND now wanting some, obvs). Many people think that, if we build another one up, we have to be broken down to make space. Or, if we commend someone on their promotion / great hair / well-behaved kids, it automatically (and totally illogically) means that we are unsuccessful / wire-haired terriers / terrible mothers. I honestly think it’s something we all have to fight. Men too.

  • The Kaleidoscope Effect Blog

    Awesome post! It really is about the pie isn’t it? And we fail to realise that we don’t even all like the same kind of pie! I think sometimes it might just be difficult to see other women succeed in their chosen fields, because maybe we want to but don’t know how. More often than not we’ll be pleasantly surprised to find that women who have succeeded are willing to share their stories to help and encourage others. Here’s to a platter of assorted pies all around 🙂

  • Sofia the 1st

    Pie pie, me oh my, i love Pie and even with my one slice, I’ma grab us 2 forks …. coz that’s how we roll

    Love the quote!!!

    Thanks for always sharing your heart so genuinely. Lots of food for thought, I trust posts like these inspire what you hope it too .


  • Theresia

    Love the read and definitely a good point.

    My own personal experience hating on Susan came down to the hard truth that I actually didn’t like myself and didn’t want to face that so it’s easier to have a problem with Susan than admit I have a problem with myself.

    Once I started working on my own identity, I could celebrate Susan at the level she deserved and not the level that I faked.

    I wish we as women would pursue truth more. I have found many offenses along the way have come from lies or misunderstandings because no one actually asked!!!


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