The first day of school. Everyday.

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My curly’s first day of school came and went and oh look, I feel like I’m still living it over and over and over. But that’s because it’s been a week and there are still tears every morning. I am still filled with anxiety through out my day at work, wondering if she is okay, hoping she doesn’t feel that I’ve abandoned her, praying that her teachers are loving on her and giving her attention. As soon as my clock nears 5pm everyday, I experience a rush of euphoria – It’s like, I can’t wait to rescue her and show her that mommy didn’t leave her. Psycho Mama much?

 I always remind myself that she will be fine. That millions of moms all around the world send their kids to school and daycare and educare and creche and playschool and the likes, and that those kids are A-Okay. I know that eventually the tears will subside (apparently this may or may not happen in the next few years) and routine will take root and all will be well. Eventually.

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What to do until then though? I’ve been praying, all the time and having positive conversations with Hubstopher (who obviously thinks that I am being a bit dramatic). And maybe I am being dramatic. But maybe I’m also just being a momma of a babygirl who I want to love and protect all the days of her life. And maybe that’s okay.

But I know that pretty soon I’ll have to put on my big momma undies, build a bridge, get over it and then pull myself towards myself. You know. Stuff like that.
So glad I get to speak about it over here first.
Thanks guys. You’re awesome.

 

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