When husband says no to the dress

IMG_20160203_134602a

I recently went dress shopping and spotted a bunch of seriously cute (and seriously short) dresses. (Who are they making these things for? The smurfs?!) There were a few decent picks but, when I tried them on, I knew that Hubstopher would not approve. Not that he regularly dresses me, I wear what I want. But when it comes to the length of my skirt or the inches of cleavage that I am showcasing, he prefers to have the final say. And I let him. But I wondered if I was wrong in doing so. What would you do when husband says no to the dress?

I chatted to a few close sister-friends and received some mixed emotions regarding the situation. Some shared that they don’t believe that your husband gets a say in what you wear. If you want the dress, then buy the dress. Other’s said that the marriage comes first and pleasing husband should be right up there on your list of important things to do.

After much conversating and debating, I ended up waiting for Hubstopher to give a thumbs up on the dress, and here’s why:

1. I think the idea behindLuchae and Chris Williams (C) Donna vd Watt Photography 0420 1 being married is that you begin to share a life with someone else. The two of you make decisions together that would ultimately reflect in the type of lives you lead. Your decisions are also reflectant on who you are as a unit. As much as you are still an individual, you also represent each other now. (That’s why I iron his shirts ya’ll) If I wear something that makes him uncomfortable, it makes me uncomfortable.

2. I married someone that I love and can trust. I believe that his decisions will always be in our best interest and that he will always want the best for me. Knowing that makes it easy for me to accept his advice or critique as a message of concern and not manipulation or control.

3. Choosing a life partner is a pretty big deal and I had to choose wisely. I’ve put a lot of (healthy) expectation on this guy! (Don’t we all?) But with the “I do’s” came a huge responsibility on me too! Just like how I expect him to love and protect me, he expects me to honor and respect him. A friend told me that she will never ever dishonor her hubby in public (or in private, I guess) and that was such a powerful statement to me. If wearing that dress would make him feel dishonored then I’d rather ditch the dress. Like, for real, the dress is so not worth it.

Collage

4. I believe what the Bible says about wives submitting to husbands. As a strong, modern woman, being a submissive wife is no easy task. We seem to think that submission is a sign of weakness. But it is the total opposite. I mean, no one said anything about being timid. Submission is not a sign of value, it is a reflection of character and humility. Submitting does not make him more important and me less important. Submitting means that I allow him to take the lead and it means that he has the stuff it takes to be the leader. Submitting doesn’t mean that I don’t get to have a say. As another clever friend explained, a healthy marriage means that the two of you are in agreement… So in this case, I agree with his decision.

5. And finally, let me just keep it real, if homeboy made me wear polo-neck tops during the peak of Summer, then I would be a bit concerned. But, the fact that he only speaks up on the rare occasion, makes me sit up and listen! This is the husband of my youth and I plan to take what he says seriously until the day that I can’t remember who he is anymore.

(By the way, it turns out he liked the dress anyways! Go figure!)
So, ladies, what is your take on the topic? Would you wear it even after husband said no to the dress?

13 Comments

  1. Only problem with husbands like mine and yours is that they are also such jokers that they will be all NO! and then when you get home they will be like, so why didn’t you buy the dress, i was only kidding… lol
    But I get you and your sentiment 🙂 and nice legs 😉

  2. I don’t generally depend on my husbands opinion on the clothing i wear. I dress for myself and I wear what makes me feel good. He never questions my choices or criticises me. Okay granted I dress “conservatively” in the sense that I’d rather be covered up and comfy than skimpy and sexy (although I do believe you can be covered up and sexy) and I’m a huge fan of Victoria Beckhams style. HOWEVER, if there were an instance where my husband really didn’t want me to wear something, I would accommodate him because it’s probably in my best interest anyway. ie no shaggy fringed looks like it’s 4th hand clothing 🙂

    • Yes, yes and yes! Because he seldom asks, when he does, you’ll probably be like, woah this must be a big deal if he says something about it. BTW I love Victorias style!

  3. While reading this I was imagining my husband on the beach wearing a speedo with 1 testicle showing LOL… NOT COOL hahahahaha

      • that vision alone makes me wanna cover up, check and cover some more LOL… like take out the ruler and measure the amount of cleavage showing and then google the appropriate minimum cleavage chart for married women and stuff…seriously! lol hahahaha #cantwatchface

  4. Mine is the other way around where he likes me to wear extra short dresses, and skimpy outfits, and I like to dress slightly more conservatively since becoming a mother. Somehow it doesn’t feel right to be walking around in a tiny mini skirt, and lots of cleavage with a little 5 year old in tow. I think he misses me from the old days of wearing things that are more revealing and when I didn’t have a mom-bod. I’m not sure what to do in my situation.

    • Ahh big hugs!! Maybe tell him how you feel? I’m sure your happiness means more to him than the short dress 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *