when you give him the silent treatment
Marriage

Who really wins when you give him the silent treatment

when you give him the silent treatmentLet’s face it, when it comes to having disagreements in a marriage, nothing makes you feel more vindicated than a solid silent treatment session. I mean, how else are husbands going to learn?! when you give him the silent treatment, he will feel the wrath of your anger and, if you stretch out your vow of silence long enough, it will eventually make him long to hear your voice again. I mean, that’s how it works right? But ladies, I’m starting to feel as if my Hubstopher actually enjoys it when I give him the silent treatment. Gasp!

I mean, the other day after a carefully curated vow of silence, while sitting on the couch in disdain while waiting for this guy to learn his lesson, I realized that he was happily singing a song at the top of his voice, while tinkering on the computer. No look of misery on his face. No puppy dog eyes, begging me to please say just one word! He didn’t even flinch when he asked me a question and I responded with a shoulder shrug.

In fact, he probably didn’t even know that I was giving him the silent treatment! He was just… well… enjoying the silence! ENJOYING it, I say! It made me think, who actually wins when you give him the silent treatment? Do you guys think that our husbands are out here praying that the well of information we have to share with them on a daily basis never runs dry? I mean, I don’t know about yours, but I am pretty sure that my Hubstopher is not burning with the intense desire to know what’s on my mind, after he’s had a long day at the office. (EVERYTHING is on my mind, by the way. All the time.)

The truth is that the silent treatment literally gets you nowhere. If your relationship is a highway, the silent treatment is the car that has run out of fuel on the intersection, and is now blocking all the other traffic from passing. Your silent treatment is a broken down car. How’s that for a metaphor, ya’ll?

For starters, it’s a bit passive aggressive, don’t you think? (Well, I do think, because my aim is to be as passive aggressive as I can be, when I’m arguing with my Hubstopher). I know, it’s slightly juvenile and actually a really hurtful form of abuse. Secondly, there is no closure and the issue at hand is not addressed and it will not be addressed until words are exchanged. Consider yourself on a never ending carousal of having the same argument and repeating the same behavior, over and over and… well, you get it. And lastly the silent treatment usually ends in a non-silent uber explosion of word vomit that may or may not have you saying words you did not intend to use. I mean, being quiet while you’re feeling a plethora of emotions (hurt, angry, sad), simply causes those emotions to expand and, well, it has to go somewhere eventually, right?

Does it feel good? Heck ya! Is it damaging to your relationship? Definitely. I mean, unless you need some time to process your feelings, and you mention this to your partner, your silent treatment is pretty much a bundle of poop in the bath water of your marriage. I guess what I’m trying to say is that putting your pride aside, instead of thriving in your anger or hurt, will get you much better results.

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