So the other day, I was hanging around, minding my own business when I noticed someone making fun out of me behind my back. You guys, it shocked me so much that I had no words. And this is coming from someone who talks in her sleep. It shocked me because, firstly, hello we completed our schooling many, many years ago. What playground is this and who on earth decided we’re going to be 12 again? Secondly, why behind my back? Why not to my face? And lastly, the thing that they were gossiping about is actually such a heart sore topic for me right now; I could not even believe that someone would tease me about it.
Okay, so for those of you who have actually seen me in real life (yes, people, I’m not a robot, I actually do exist in reality), you’ll notice that I walk with a limp. The limp has always been slight and unnoticeable, but over the past few years it has become a lot more prominent. The reason why I limp is because my one leg is shorter than the other. This is due to the fact that my positioning, while I was in my momma’s womb, wasn’t normal at all. My one leg was bent under the other, in utero. This then caused the left leg to not grow at the same rate as the right leg.
Now, guys, let me tell ya, I’ve lived a pretty normal life up until this point. I feel like laughing as I’m typing this, because seriously this long leg/short leg situation did not affect my childhood at all. Like, it was a non-issue.
And then, a few years ago, I started getting a pain in my left hip. The hip pain I could deal with. But it was soon preceded by these mind numbing headaches that I swear was birthed out of the pit of hell. These throbbing headaches are so intense that it makes me nauseous and causes blurry vision. When I’m having an episode, the only way I get relief is by lying down on a flat surface (try explaining that to a suspicious husband who thinks I’m trying to pawn the kids off on him all the time) or by resting my head against something (which is not ideal in an office setting or when you’re on a stage, if you know what I mean.)
One day, after a particularly bad migraine, my chiropractor informed me that the many years of having one leg shorter than the other has had an affect on my spine. My spine is now bent (basically leaning to one side) which is not normal. This is the reason why I have permanent tension in my back and neck and, yep, it explains the mind numbing headaches.
The solution? A splint in my shoe. This would be fine, except that over the past few years, the difference in length between my two legs have grown from like, 1 cm to about 4 cm. So the gap is considerably big right now. The splint would be very noticeable and probably very uncomfortable. I would also only be able to wear certain types of shoes etc.
Okay so why am I telling you all of this? I mean, besides for the fact that oversharing is kinda what I do around here. Well, the other day I caught someone making fun out of my limp, you guys. It was so ugly… they just laughed and laughed and mimicked their little minds away and I just sat there shocked, pretending not to see. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know how to stand up for myself. The comfortable Luchae would be like, “Uhhh, are you trying to mimic me, coz you’re doing a pretty terrible job, here let me show you how to do it.” But the uncomfortable, shocked, hurt me, just sat and looked, you guys. Like a child. On the playground. Being bullied. I felt like I was being bullied.
And then it dawned on me. This person actually has no idea what they are talking about. And this isn’t me being vague – they literally have not asked me about the limp at all!
If they had asked, they would know that the headaches (due to the short leg/limp) is the reason why I go quiet sometimes. It’s the reason why I don’t always participate in physical activities. It’s the reason why I don’t wear high heels often and can’t stand for long periods of time.
But they did not ask. And so they were misinformed. Humor me as I use the word “misinformed”. I have to, you see. Because no one can be that hurtful on purpose, right?It would mean that they also laugh at little kids who have down syndrome and people in wheel chairs and those who have an eye condition or a speech impediment. I just HAVE to believe that this is not the case… that these people are not really that mean/ignorant/easily amused. They probably just need a little bit of knowledge and information to help them understand my situation. Right?
Be that as it may, going through this experience reminded me that their reaction to my pain is not a reflection of ME, it’s a reflection of, well, who they are. So there’s that. Take it as you want. But more than anything, it reminded me just how ignorant I am when I mock someone else for their pain, without fully understanding their story.
My Hubstopher told me to call them out on it. But I didn’t want to. I mean, I am not a victim, and I wasn’t about to give something this ugly a pedestal. But now, in hindsight, I wonder if I should have. So here’s where you come in, friends. Please share your opinions and thoughts below, I would love to hear it.
Have you ever felt personally victimized? Can you relate? What would you have done in my situation?
Disclaimer: I do believe that God can heal my leg and I am fully expectant for a miracle.