You know those annoying people who are bright and cheery all the time… you know, the type of people you want to throw a stapler at. Well, that’s me. I’m that person. I can be annoying sometimes. I’m bright and perky majority of the time, and I don’t know how to make it stop. Actually, I don’t think I want to make it stop. But I had a brief encounter with a major grump this week and the look of annoyance on his face, at my over the top cheeriness, literally made my inner Jessica Day cringe.
Granted, the bloke isn’t someone in my friendship circle and I fortunately don’t have to deal with him often, at work. But his annoyance at my exuberance (look at all my big words) really cut me for some reason. I even apologized to him for my excessive cheer, saying “I’m so sorry for being annoying all the time”. He grimaced in reply, his facial expression giving off feelings of: “damn straight you are!”
In hindsight, me apologizing for being perky was like me saying “I’m sorry for being who I am”. Or “I’m sorry for not being who you want me to be”. And then it got me thinking… who am I meant to be anyways? Do I want to stay true to myself or do I want to be the type of person who makes other people happy all the time.
Anyways after having a few deep conversations this week, I had a massive revelation about identity and what that even means. I realized that being who God has called me to be is far more important than making people happy or striving to be perfect.
I guess it means if I want to be joyful and cheery, while farting rainbows and glitter and singing songs about love, then that’s exactly what I should do and who I should be! But it also means that if I’m not feeling perky or if I’m not having a good day, it’s okay to show it. I mean, I often “put on the cheeriness”, even on a day when I’m not feeling cheery, because I know that’s what people expect. But by doing so, I’m not staying true to myself. I’m being what other people want me to be. It’s unnatural. It’s tiring. It’s disastrous.
Anyways, said offender emailed me a few days later and I replied with a perky “Hi there, hope you’re well!” even though his initial email did not even offer me a greeting. I was like, take that you grumpy ball of grump, kapow kapow! He probably rolled his eyes at my reply. He probably wishes I would go far away. He probably needs a hug.
And then it hit me: I’m not annoying. He is annoyed. (Kabooom, mind blown!) Just because I don’t fit into his perfect little box of “how people should behave” doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with me or my personality. It just means that he needs a bigger box, maybe.
So whatever your default… whether you’re the serious one or the sporty one or the one who can quote movies. Whether you’re the over the top diva or the business minded analytical thinker or the smart mouthed mover and shaker. Whatever your personality or character traits may be, know that you are the product of a grand design. And trying to cover that up, to please other people, is like rubbing a little bit of “bland” into your uniqueness.
Putting on a mask is sooo last year anyways. Put on the mask of your face rather. Okay that’s just weird. I guess what I’m trying to say is: it’s okay to be the YOU that God created. He kinda knows what He’s doing.