I’m sorry that I’m sorry

I'm sorry that I'm sorryI’m sorry that I’m sorry… No really. Oh wait, I’m talking to myself again. Allow me to elaborate: Okay, so you know all those motivational mantras about being true to yourself, celebrating your strength and allowing your light to shine? Well, funny thing is, up until the other day, I kinda didn’t want to do any of those things. Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever played a weaker role even though you knew that deep down inside, you’re actually flippen strong and capable of so much more than you are showing?

Whew, great! I’m not the only loony around here. 🙂
While having a heart to heart last week, a close friend asked me why I’ve stopped being… well… ME. The question took me by surprise but I knew the answer without having to think about it. The truth is this: I had become too aware of other people and their insecurities. And because I did not want to intimidate anyone or make them feel less than, I began compensating for what I thought they might be feeling. I tried to be less than who I am, because I thought that it was hurting other people. I made room in MY life for someone else’s insecurities.

I admit, this was a known decision. It didn’t happen to me. Nope, I continuously chose to act weaker and more timid than I actually am. I mean, there were times where I PRETENDED not to know the answer to something, to give someone else an opportunity to have the upper hand. There were times where I played damsel in distress, so that I did not come across as self-sufficient/self-reliant aka powerful enough to get the job done. And there were times where I took a back seat because I was afraid that my awesomeness would make someone else feel less awesome… that my ability to do certain things well would hinder them and make them feel like they lacked something. We are all equal in God’s eyes. We were created each with our own personality, strengths and giftings. BUT, somewhere in the back of my spreadsheet brain, I began to feel guilty about mine.

Now, this may sound super humble and “oh someone, give me a Nobel Peace prize!” but it’s actually very egotistical and selfish. For starters, no one has ever told me “Uh Luchae, I feel like such a loser when you blah blah blah”. Where did I even come up with these things? Secondly, it’s quite a brain trip for me to realize that I thought that I could affect another person that way. Like, how evens? Get over yourself. And lastly, since when has it been okay to dull your shine? When you allow your light to shine, you give others motivation – permission to do the same. OR it helps them to grow.

So with that said, I look back at my previous stinking thinking and I know that it’s not the truth. It’s so absurd, if I think about it now. It’s NEVER OKAY to not be who you are called to be! In fact, it’s an insult to God.

And so, today, I urge you to be exactly who you are meant to be. No apologies. No excuses. You were born on purpose, with a purpose. Your talents are not coincidental. What a waste to put it in a drawer because of *insert dumb reasons here*. You are robbing yourself and others, when you dim your light!

Today, I dare you to SHINE! Sorry, not sorry!

8 Comments

  1. I have felt like that in the past but realise that not being my authentic self was robbing myself cause now I run the risk of being disliked/upsetting ppl for something that’s not even really me…

    Never be afraid to slay… those that matter don’t mind those who mind don’t matter

  2. Wow this is so true Luchae….something happened today at school,and there are tines where i will just walk away for the sake of peace….but deep inside me i will feel unhappy…
    Today Ive decided that im opening my mouth and say how i feel,in a godly manner☺….and i feel happy….very good topic…

    • Hi Aunty E… Thank you… Yes! We dont have to be rude or abrasive in order to be bold! So true 🙂

  3. What an insightful post!! I sooo understand you. I always feel that I would rather keep quiet, lay low etc, cos maybe someone might think I am a nerd, a B*&ch or get jealous of me or something, but where did I suck that from???? I vow that from today, I will be who I am meant to be. PS Shay I lurrrve your new pic, it just manifests your SHINE beautifully!!!!

  4. Wow, I so needed to read this, very insightful! This is exactly what I am doing, and sooooo need to stop this.

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