• Tired of being nice
    Heart matters

    The dangers of being nice

    I believe I’ve spent all of 2018, regrettably, trying to be a “nice person”. Yes, I know what the word “regrettably” means. It means that I feel deep remorse about the fact that I was “nice”, last year. Well, it’s the truth. I wish I could take back my niceness. There, I said it. Do you sometimes feel that way too? Real talk: I’m super good at acting happy and being all chipper, even when I’m feeling really bad. It’s not real life, you guys. It’s a mask. I’ve come to realize that my “being nice” can be pretty superficial. And if I was superficially nice for all 2018, then that…

  • Is being mean a thing
    Heart matters

    Is being mean a thing now a days?

    So the other day I found myself in a stinky situation, with a stinky person, who was acting – yep, you guessed it – pretty stinky. I mean, it wasn’t even as if I deserved the stank. I’m a very diplomatic person and (if you watched my Instastories, you would know) I prefer to not go all Shaneequa on people, when I feel that they’ve wronged me. I don’t do playground cat fights. It’s not my jam. Simply because I get that people are people. I always try to look at the situation with the bigger picture in mind… you know, stuff like: what is the other person going through…

  • How to react when someone laughs at you
    Heart matters

    How to react when someone laughs at you

    So the other day, I was hanging around, minding my own business when I noticed someone making fun out of me behind my back. You guys, it shocked me so much that I had no words. And this is coming from someone who talks in her sleep. It shocked me because, firstly, hello we completed our schooling many, many years ago. What playground is this and who on earth decided we’re going to be 12 again? Secondly, why behind my back? Why not to my face? And lastly, the thing that they were gossiping about is actually such a heart sore topic for me right now; I could not even…

  • The girl I once knew
    Heart matters

    The girl I once knew

    I once met a drunk girl, in a random, crowded night club bathroom. She was beautiful. And drunk. Did I say that yet? We both were. We hit it off like only girls can when they are intoxicated, swearing to be “best friends for life” and declaring “girl power” and “viva tequila” and all other sorts of nonsense that makes sense when you are inebriated. The following morning, I found out that the girl had been in a car accident, en route home from the club, and had lost her life. My brief encounter with her left an indelible mark on my life. I mean, I had no idea who…

  • His ex is not psycho
    Heart matters

    His ex is not psycho

    If you’re a female and you’ve had your fair share of relationship drama, chances are you’ve been labelled “psycho” or “psychotic” once or twice in your life. No doubt by a fuming ex-boyfriend, desperately seeking bravado and/or redemption in the eyes of his easily entertained group of friends and/or his easily influenced new love interest. I mean, he needs to let them know that he is better off without you. And the new love interest needs to know that she is, duh, a gazillion times better than you are. And, more importantly, the man needs to feel like “the man”. I get it. (Not really) But why she got to be…

  • hurt people hurt people
    Heart matters

    Hurt people hurt people

    I remember feeling really small and insignificant in grade six. I was awkward and skinny and I actually liked doing my school work and hanging out with my baby sister. I wasn’t cool or popular. I didn’t do cool or popular things. I was reminded of my uncoolness often, by a mean girl who would pass comments about my gangly legs and oversized hair accessories (thanks mom). The mean girl was cool, so everyone laughed at her jokes. I laughed too. Leeanne didn’t laugh though. **Leeanne was the only other girl in our class who was a little more awkward and skinny than I was. She also did her schoolwork…

  • Heart matters

    How to deal with someone who doesn’t like you

    We’ve all been there. We know what it feels like when someone thinks we suck. And, unless you have the emotional aptness of a spoon, it kinda stings sometimes. But how do you do it, friends? How do you handle the sting of rejection? Most times I’m just over here wondering how someone could have overlooked my sheer awesomeness (and obvious humble heart). The truth is that we’re all different. And hey, that’s okay. If God wanted us all to be the same, the world would be a very boring place. But if you are wondering how to deal with someone who doesn’t like you, maybe these tips could help:…

  • Even when it hurts
    Heart matters

    Even when it hurts

    Recently faced with overwhelming loss, as friends of ours grieve the death of their beautiful baby boy, Conor, I found myself thinking: “God, where are you?!” Where is He when tragedy hits? Where is He when a family is forever shattered and lives are indelibly changed? And what am I meant to do in the moments when I don’t know how to function because the enormity of the situation feels bigger than my faith? Am I meant to cling to hope even when it hurts? I struggled with all of these questions on the inside, while trying to be hopeful and expectant for a miracle on the outside. Conor’s mommy…

  • when you give him the silent treatment
    Marriage

    Who really wins when you give him the silent treatment

    Let’s face it, when it comes to having disagreements in a marriage, nothing makes you feel more vindicated than a solid silent treatment session. I mean, how else are husbands going to learn?! when you give him the silent treatment, he will feel the wrath of your anger and, if you stretch out your vow of silence long enough, it will eventually make him long to hear your voice again. I mean, that’s how it works right? But ladies, I’m starting to feel as if my Hubstopher actually enjoys it when I give him the silent treatment. Gasp! I mean, the other day after a carefully curated vow of silence,…

  • Nelson Mandela Bay

    Click here if you need a break

    You need a break. Yes, I can tell, from all the way over here. Granted, I only picked it up because I need a break too, so I know all about what “needing a break” looks like. It’s usually a symptom that comes with a classic case of “holding it all together” and “being all things to everyone.” I believe one will most likely find this behavioral pattern common among mothers, wives, daughters, sisters and over all wonder women. They all need a break. And so do you. The fact of the matter is that you become ineffective when you fail to maintain your own mental and spiritual health. I…