So last night, during bed time, my three year old proudly announced: “Peyton is my BEST fwend! I love Peyton so vewy much!” I obviously melted into a puddle of mom-feelings. I mean, she has a best friend! In true spreadsheet brain style, I immediately got to thinking that hey I should be teaching my kid how to be the BEST best friend. Best friend etiquette is pretty important, yo. There are rules that she needs to know about. And I’m not talking about the usual “be kind, love each other, don’t get into a fight and slam each other on Facebook” kind of rules. I’m talking about the nitty gritty’s of friendship. Here are 10 friendship lessons for my daughter:
Your best friend is not your competition. The truth is that you’re both pretty amazing and talented! And even if you have the same talent and the same interests, you’re still unique individuals who add your own layer of flavor to the pot. Cheer her on! Applaud her! Admire her, yes, but never ever compare yourself to her. How would Meredith Grey shine, if she compared herself to Christina Yang all the time?
Your best friend doesn’t have to like the same things you like. I mean, it sure does help when you’re trying to forge a relationship with someone. But best friends occur in the most unlikely of situations. For example: I was totally a Baby Spice while my friend was a Scary Spice… and somehow we made it work!
Best friends stick up for each other in public, but correct each other in private. The beauty of relationship is that we are able to offer advice and crit, with love. I’m talking about those “no honey, using your nail file to sketch your name into the side of his car is a bad idea” honesty. Best friends don’t discourage each other! But that doesn’t mean I’m going to encourage you to throw a brick through his windscreen, girl. Best friends encourage each other to do what is right.
Having each others backs is kind of like a no brainer when it comes to friendship. Be the friend you want her to be. Yes, this may mean following her boyfriend in the mall, like a spy, when you think you’ve spotted him with someone else. It may also mean telling her to dump him, even if he spins her a story. Best buds don’t bully each other, though. And they most certainly don’t pretend to have all the answers! Having each others backs means supporting your girl even when you don’t agree with her decision.
Being best friends means laughing together at the funnies and crying together at the heartbreaks. But it also means helping your bud snap back to reality when that mourning period has been going on for too long and she seriously needs to wash her hair before it turns into a national oil well. I love that my close friends are able to hit me with truth bombs that literally shake me out of my funk.
Best friends don’t share boys. It’s like, the girl code of the world! Has one girl managed to successfully scoop and marry her friend’s ex-boyfriend, and they all lived happily ever after? Probably. But you’re not the exception. You’re the norm. And until exceptional circumstances arise, that causes you to be the exception, you must make decisions as if you’re the norm. Best friends don’t share boys.
Best friends keep your secrets! I know what I said about keeping secrets from your husband. But when it comes to keeping your best friends secrets, your husband should kind of know whats up. If it doesn’t involve a dead body or illegal activity, then you don’t need to know honey.
Best friends don’t gossip. They share information. Gossip is such a dirty way to spread untruths. I’m not a fan, at all! I get that you may want to tell your girl about Jessica’s marital problems, but honestly is it building up or tearing down? Best friends would not want to get their best friend’s hearts in a mess.
Best friends never stay angry for too long. I mean, come on, we’re human beings. No one gets this life thing right. Not even Beyonce. We have disagreements, we get upset and we sometimes boycott a relationship just to prove a point. The difference between “a relationship” and a really good friendship is that you know when to say when. Holding a grudge is not the type of thing that a best friend would do, yo.
If you want to be a really good friend, never take more than you give. Best friends don’t take advantage and they never ever act as if your need is a burden to them. Some of my closest girls have the biggest hearts and I’m just so amazed at how kind they are! Best friends become family!
So what do you guys think? Are there any other lessons that I should add to this list?
Images: These are the actual photos taken at my actual wedding by the wonderful Donna van der Watt Photography