Reflections and regrets
Heart matters

Reflections and regrets

Would you say that you are exactly where you dreamed you would be 15 years ago? I definitely am not. I thought that, by now, I would be touring the world on a yacht, while drinking champagne with Justin Bieber – even though I’m not a fan of champagne or floating on a large expanse of water. Minor details.

But, yes, I do sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if I were still doing my own thing. Despite the dream of sipping champagne on yachts, my previous life involved drinking cheap wine in dodgy cars. The only Justin I knew was the one who sold me weed that one time at the club.

I made a bunch of decisions that I am not proud of because I was doing things out of spite, out of fear or because it made my human flesh feel good for a second. It was pretty evident that I wanted needed direction.

So I said yes to God.

The decision to surrender was very easy. There was no booming voice commanding me to give up control. There were no stage lights and loud music. I was alone in my room and gatvol of the life that I was living. It was pretty much a matter of: “Okay you’re God, so… do something God-like in my life because, seriously, I’m running out of options here.” Self-sabotage did not look good on me.

My “yes” to God meant that I was willing to be shaped into whatever He wanted. Surrender involved a complete life change (I wrote about some of it here).

I started changing the way that I think about myself, other people and my future.

Prior to that, I thought that the most success I would achieve would be a boring office job, where I get paid an average amount of money while maintaining a fairly decent single life. Who am I to even consider achieving more than that?!

Healthy relationships, exciting hobbies, a whole family and a career – ghaaa! What do you think this is.. the movies?! I didn’t DARE dream this for me.

But God is in the business of giving you more than you ask or imagine (it says so right here). When I gave up control, He turned it around for me and I went from being a single mom with no real future plans to be a mom of many gorgeous kids, an okayish husband (kidding, he’s amazing!) and an exciting future.

And it all started on the day that I said yes.

When I gave up control, my hard heart was softened (this is not a metaphor, I now cry on command) and my thinking turned towards hope, and away from self-destruction.

And yeah, there may not be any yachts or Bieber visits in my near future, but I can honestly say that I am so thankful that I am nowhere near where I thought I’d be 15 years ago!

This may not be your life story. Maybe you have it all figured out and you’re doing all “the things”… that’s amazing, girl. But if not… if you’re looking for direction, or for answers, or for healing, escape, comfort… think about who or what you are giving your “yes” to.

And, if you’re brave enough, consider giving that “yes” to God. His plan is the best one and you may just find yourself living a life beyond your wildest dreams.

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