Hubstopher’s near death experience

Have I told you guys about Hubstopher’s near death experience? No? Gasp! Well, girlfriend, grab a chair, you need to sit down for this one! This story has become our party trick – you know, the story we share at parties, when everyone’s doing “show and tell”. Hubstopher loves telling it to people simply because of the sheer ridiculousness of the situation. It goes a little something ilke this:

One day, a couple of years before we got married (when Hubstopher was still Christopher) he asked me to get all dressed up, because he wanted to take me out. Normally I wouldn’t freak out about a dinner date but the dude specifically told me to “wear heels”. It immediately sparked my attention because he prefers me to wear flats and be comfortable. Being the rational, sane, female that I am, an immediate thought crossed my mind: “It’s about to go dowwwwwn! He’s going to propose!! AAAACK!!!”

Now, the thing about knowing when your man is going to propose is that you have to remember to be selfless and act as if you were not expecting it 😉 So that’s what I did! Well, I first (OBZ) had to tell my closest friends that homeboy ’bout to put a ring on it (okay, I don’t actually speak like that in real life) and then I got dressed in my recently purchased best, donned a pair of heels, applied make up and spritzed some perfume. I said a thank you to the heavens that my nails had recently been done because hello engagement ring photos. When Chris picked me up, he looked especially dashing and had a twinkle in his eye and I could tell that he appreciated the “extra care” I had put into looking good, that night.

We took a long drive and ended up at a really fancy shmancy restaurant. I swear when we got there the doorman looked at us as if he had been waiting for us… It was a set up! He knew something I did not know! Aaack! The waiter showed us to what appeared to be a specially thought out table, in the corner, where a freshly lit candle had aptly been waiting to welcome us. We sit down and I stare across at Chris, wondering how he was going to propose and what I was going to say. The restaurant wasn’t as full, so I knew not to expect a full on, everyone clapping hands, kind of reaction when he went down on his knee. I was prepared for it. But I wasn’t prepared. You know? Like, somewhere inbetween nervous and excited.

Anyways, Chris cooly opens his menu (mine was laying down in front of me) and scans the detail. For someone who usually is an energy ball, he was keeping his composure like an expert. I was super impressed! He then gestured to me, to open my menu. And that’s when it dawned on me… the ring was probably inside the menu!!! AAACK! Hot flushes, cold sweats, goosebumps on goosebumps, freaking out on the inside, keeping my cool on the outside…

He said: “Open your menu, and see what’s inside.”
I replied: “No, no thank you.” Because nerves.
He urged: “Please… open your menu… I want to show you something…”
I responded: “…uhhh… okay… ” I opened the menu, slowly, turning the cover back, to reveal the blank first page. What witchcraft is this? My heart could not take anymore!

He encouraged: “Turn the page, it’s on the other side.”
I replied: “No, I really don’t want to!” I was scared. It was that realization that this could be it! My palms were sweaty and I felt a smile twitching, but I held it back because I knew that he had put a lot of work into this and I wanted him to think that I truely was surprised.

He asked again: “Please, will you check the menu?”

Right. This could be it! I flipped the first page over, to reveal…..
Nothing. No ring.

I pointed out: “There’s nothing here.” 
He replied: “Scroll down, and see what it says at the bottom. “

And then it dawned on me: The guy had printed a special menu!
He probably had the words WILL YOU MARRY ME, engraved at the bottom! AACK!!!!
I scanned the menu, excitedly, looking for those magic words… and found:

Still nothing. Hmmm…

I said: “There’s still nothing here.” Maybe I missed it?

He replied: “Look! Right at the bottom!….

                                  They sell chicken livers here!”

And that’s how Christopher Williams almost lost his life.

Just joking! But I was pretty peeved off for the rest of the night and I couldnt even tell him why. Needless to say, the ring did not make an appearance that night.

He did, however, propose a while later, on a stage! And this time it really was a surprise! And a big one at that! But you can read more about it here 🙂 Ahhh my spreadsheet brain… the gift that keeps on giving.