I love you, I love me not

I love you

So Valentine’s Day is around the corner and I’m bracing myself for the onslaught of chocolates, roses and exaggerated “i love yous”. I mean, that’s what the big V Day is all about, right? Buying sweet treats and pretty flowers for the one you love? Right? Well, what if I challenged you to use this month of love to do something else… something even MORE special… something that most of us (females) are not good at doing… What if I challenged you to love YOURSELF this Valentine’s Day. What would that look like?

Now as cliche as this sounds, please know that I’m not here to promote obnoxious self-love. Loving others and caring for others is important – it is our mandate! But I’ve found that as wives and mother’s, we’ve somehow been duped into thinking that looking after your family and your home is a way of loving yourself. We mistake the fulfillment that those tasks bring for, well, self-appreciation. And it’s not. I mean, yes your heart is full because it is in our nature to care for the ones we love. But this is not self-compassion.

Self-compassion means you recognize your OWN worth and your OWN need to be looked after, and guess what, you aren’t sitting around waiting for someone else to do it. Self-compassion means you understand the importance of self-respect… of standing for what you believe in and being unapologetic about what you allow in your life. You can love others and not be a door mat at the same time, guys.

For some of us, self-appreciation could mean going for that pamper or a fresh hairdo. Or it could mean taking a spiritual regroup every morning, in the quiet of your home, while everyone is sleeping. Rest your bones, revel in the silence, speak to God, remind yourself that your life has purpose and you are more than just a dish washer/clothes folder/lunch maker. It’s okay, no one is looking.

Single ladies, self-compassion means being okay with being okay. You don’t need a man to “complete” you. And you don’t need to entertain conversation that implies it. Want roses this Valentine’s Day? Buy some for yourself, girl.

Heck, for me, self-compassion involves washing my hair and then watching Grey’s Anatomy with a cup of tea! It may not look the same for all of us, but the one thing in common is that you feel rejuvenated afterwards. You are reminded of your value. It’s like you’re saying “Oh hey, I think I’m kinda special!” or “Oh hey, I deserve to have a break!” And guess what, you don’t have to feel guilty for thinking that way.

Anyways, where am I going with this? Well, I’ve decided that for the month of Feb, I’m going to be showing Luchae some guilt-free love! Why? Well, because you can’t pour from an empty cup. So I’ll be reading ALL the books, doing ALL the foot spa’s (at home, duh, let’s not get crazy) and using my quiet time to fill the pages of my beautiful journal. I dare you guys to do the same! When last have you shown yourself some love?

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