If this were a wildlife program, and I had to point you guys in the direction of a husband “in his natural environment”, I might just be showing you the way to the loo. Well, that’s what it sounded like yesterday, when a bunch of you engagingly commented on my social media feed, after I had complained about the amount of time my very own Hubstopher takes, in the toilet/bathroom.
My conspiracy theory is that they use the confines of the lavatory to, you know, hide away from their families. Or perhaps there is a portal in there? One that helps them to escape into the magical world of unlimited sport, gaming videos and other such marital witchcraft. Who knows.
But it got me thinking about this strange phenomena called “husband” and all the random things he does that I just don’t understand! You know, things like:
1. He can never find anything! I mean, even if it’s right there, on the 2nd shelf, where I had told him to look. He can’t find it. I call it “marital blinkers” and I’m convinced a set of these automatically grows onto husband’s face, as soon as he says “I do.” He can also never remember where we keep anything… the paper towels, the kids swimming clothes, the light bulbs. It’s the same place we’ve kept them for five years. But he never remembers.
2. His kiddies fashion style is putrid. Asking your husband to dress the kids, without – gasp! – actually laying the clothes out before the time, is a bit like playing fashion Russian Roulette. You never know what you’re going to end up with. My husband once brought Kyle to my work and the kid was wearing a shocking yellow t-shirt, a shocking pink shorts and shocking blue sneakers. I was almost blinded. Husbands and kids fashion is not a good mix, you guys.
3. He is able to slip into his “nothing box” in an instant and he won’t even admit that he was there. You know what the nothing box is, right? It’s that mental space that husband’s venture into, where they don’t hear a word you’re saying. Sometimes they slip into this box, while staring at the TV screen. Other times they actually fall asleep in mid-sentence, while you’re having a deep convo, because the allure of the nothing box is that strong. And when you accuse them of not paying attention, their response is: “I AM listening!”
4. He has this weird inability to multitask that grates my nerves like nobodies business, you guys! Like, he can’t bath the kids and consciously make an effort to keep the bathroom tidy, while doing so. Making a sandwich and then packing all the sandwich-making goodies away as he is doing it, is an impossible suggestion! Nope, he needs to make the sandwich. Eat the sandwich. Then clean up an hour later. Him: chilling. Me: Losing my mind.
5. When he’s sick, nothing else matters in the whole world, except for the fact that he is sick. The man-flu is a real thing. Quite frankly, ladies, I don’t know how we survive it! I don’t know about yours, but when my husband is sick, he literally lays in bed and moans, like a dying person. He pretty much expects me to wipe his forehead with a damp cloth, while feeding him chicken soup.
Truth be told, you guys, the list of things that I love about this man far outweighs the list of things that annoy me. They say men are from Mars and women are from Venus, which is just a clever way to remind us that, yep, we ARE different. But our quirky little differences is what makes our marriage interesting. Right?
Can you relate to any of this? What are some of the strange/annoying things that your husband does?