When it comes to feuding and arguments, I kinda, uhh… don’t.
Meaning: I don’t participate. I try not to indulge in little spats and angry text messaging and holding onto a grudge until 7de Laan’s Oubaas returns to Hilda (so that’s, like, a long time).
I mean (honestly now) besides for being way too busy and way too lazy (at the same time nogals) to participate, I do find holding on to anger to be quite tedious and unproductive. And as you know – spreadsheet brain – my aim is to be super productive at all times. (Yes, even when I’m scrolling through Instagram Martha, thanks for pointing that out, it’s called “market research”… see? productive.)
This topic came to mind the other day when I realised just how LEKKER it is to hold onto an offence. I mean, when someone does you wrong, regardless of who is right or wrong, you want them to FEEL your wrath, right? You also want other people to know just how crappy of a person your wrong doer is.
I mean, where is the fun in letting go and moving on? So boring.
Wrong. Do you know what’s boring? Not being able to invite Sally to my son’s Barmitzvah because Susan didn’t like what she had to say about her curtains.
Boring is having to now navigate your entire life around an argument. Boring is basing your future decisions around a past offence. I’m sorry but it’s so lame man! #sorrynotsorry
You aren’t starting a revolution by holding on to your anger and making status updates about it. Seriously, you can justify your anger and offence as much as you want, but it isn’t changing the world for the better. You aren’t setting trends that you want your children to pick up, Harriet.
In a nutshell, and to put it politely: Your resentment is boring.
Do you know what IS exciting and ground breaking and world changing? Forgiveness.
It’s ground breaking because it takes a lot more motivation and courage to forgive and move on. Unforgiveness is a comfort zone. Being offended is EASY. Show me the guy who addresses the issue with the intent of solving the problem and moving on, and I’ll show you a champion!
Now, I have been offended a gazillion times over. Like, I’m sure someone made me naar as recently as today. I say this to make you aware that I know that I’m not perfect.
But my point, Vanessa, is that none of us are. And by choosing to stay angry with someone, like, for long periods of time… by justifying your unforgiveness… you’re kinda saying “uhhh yes I AM perfect, bish!”
And to that I’ll say “is your name Jesus?”
And then you’ll say “no, it’s Vanessa”
And then I’ll say “okay so then you’re not perfect, sit down”
And then you’ll be angry with me for a long period of time too… and so it goes on and on
*Que: Circle of Life – Elton John*
Anyways, Mufasa, what I was trying to get at is that putting your pride and ego aside is a lot more exciting than holding on to your boring resentment. Walking around like you are Perfect Polly isn’t fooling anyone.
Say what you need to say girl – speak your heart! Do it loudly and out of complete love. And give the other person the chance to do the same. And hey, who knows, by the end of the convo you may have sparked true healing and restoration for both of you.
Love yourself enough to NOT walk around hating/resenting people. That sort of hatred lives buried in your heart but it eventually has to manifest someway or the other. Eventually someone has to lose.