Stay At Home Mom For What
Heart matters

Stay At Home Mom For What?!

I don’t know about the rest of you, but the past few days of “back to school” has me shooketh. It seems especially treacherous this time around- and this is coming from a mother who has lived through 12 “back to school” January’s.

Mornings are a hectic affair, with a whole bunch of kids and a husband to herd out the door, so that we can make drop off on time. I’m exhausted by the time I get to work… and then I have to remove my mommy hat, for my account manager hat… and actually focus on the work at hand. It’s not always that easy, you guys. Sometimes it’s so hard to keep all those balls in the air (when you’re not even in the mood to juggle, in the first place!).

Home time comprises of a very tired mommy loving on the kids, helping with homework, hearing endless stories of what everyone did for the day, combined with cooking, tidying up, bath time, doing dishes, bla bla bla (and the beat goes on.) Fall into bed at 10pm, wake up, repeat.

How do we do it ladies?

I’ve been reflecting on the beauty of yesteryear. My granny and her mom, and her mom (probably), were stay at home mothers. And while the idea of women staying home, to clean and cook, may seem like a terribly flawed way to live (because career and what not), I can’t help but secretly admire how those ladies managed to pull it off.

Being a “stay at home mother” is no small job. And they did it with joy (for the most part) and so effortlessly. And, more than that, they actually got it right to run a whole household on one salary! How the heck? I can’t even imagine how we would pull that off.

So it got me thinking, you guys: are we living super elaborate lives? I mean, how did those moms get it right to provide for their family, without a second income? Are the schools we’re choosing too expensive? Is our lifestyle too extravagant? Or is the cost of living just too high?

Next thought: we put so much value on our careers and, you know, climbing the corporate ladder and all of that. What if all I want to do is make sure my kids are healthy and happy, without being so drained at 8pm, that I can’t even spend five minutes with my husband, before falling asleep in mid-sentence.

I must admit, guys, I always wondered how on earth you could give up your career (and a steady income, yo) to stay at home whole day. But I get it now. Choosing to be a stay at home mom has nothing to do with copping out of work life. It’s more than just a having the ability to sleep in till 10am and wear pajamas whole day, while binge watching Greys Anatomy. (As delightful as that sounds.)

For me, right now, it’s about being able to make sure that I can sufficiently be all that my family needs me to be – without losing my mind! I so desperately want to make sure that I’m doing this #momlife thing right, and sometimes it’s difficult to be all things to everyone, while still making sure that I am healthy myself.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on being a stay at home mother. Do you feel that there are better ways to spend your time? Are you a stay at home mom? How do you manage to run a whole household on one salary? Do you regret giving up your job, to be home with the kids?


  • Candice

    I started working recently after being a SAHM for almost 3 years. And it’s been one of the most challenging yet rewarding times of my life. When I initially resigned we had one child and I didn’t think it would be that hectic. But it was. Taking care of 1, running a house, making time for your husband, staying in touch with family & friends and making sure you stay sane is a lot (hats off to the women doing all of that and still working). At one stage I think I was just going through the motions. I felt alone at times, a little disconnected from the world and that not many understood me and this period of my life. I, thankfully, have a wonderful & supporting husband that was there every step of the way. And I know & believe this chapter God was working on my character.
    The time I got to spend with my children (we had another in April last year) I will cherish forever. We experienced so many firsts together.
    Going from 2 salaries to 1 is definitely not easy and you really sacrifice a lot. I made sure I had no debt by the time I resigned and we eventually sold one of our cars as we didn’t need it at the time. We cut down on spending drastically and even today are always looking at ways to cut spending. My husband’s full-time job is of such a nature that it opened doors for other streams of income, which helped us a lot and it still does.
    I also have a side hustle so it helped a bit.
    There’s so much more one goes through mentally, especially if you’ve been this career-driven, go-getter. But then you remember why you did and all is well. And if I had the opportunity to do it again, I would.
    Thankfully what I do now doesn’t take me away from home for too long.

  • Melissa Javan (@melissa_nel)

    I think someone like me, is not cut out to be a stay at home mom. I like doing my own thing and I’m not really interested in housework – I know housework is not all a stay at home mom is about. I prefer my kid going to creche, to be away from me for a few hours. Even if I was a stay at home mom, I’d like her to go to creche, for my sanity and for her, to not get bored. Motherhood can be lonely, especially if it’s just you, your husband and your kid, with family living provinces away.

  • Mags

    Your blog hit a nerve for me. I am currently a working mom and I hate it. It’s not that I don’t enjoy my job – it’s that I don’t enjoy the fact that I have to work “away” from home. The four months that I was on maternity leave has opened my eyes to a new world. It’s hard work to look after a baby, but I was happier than I’ve been in a very long time. My stress levels were also much lower when I was at home. I was a better, more relaxed person during that time with much less anxiety.

    I wish I were one of those women who is a better mom because she works. But I’m not. There is also no way we can survive on my husband’s salary alone. We do not have DStv or a maid and I don’t get manicures and pedicures. There aren’t luxuries that we can cut out so we can survive on one salary. I truly envy moms who are SAHMs. At the same time I feel guilty for not wanting to work (or wanting a work I can do from home in the mornings). I am very grateful for my job and aspire to do my best every day. I do tell myself that I’m doing it so my son can have a better life. I’m still hoping that I can find some way to be happier someday,though.

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