Pregnant Again
Parenting

Pregnant again?

Now, as you may know, I have a lot of children, and (like all other children) they are especially cute… so one could say that we’ve done a good job at creating kids. Right?

Until I give off a whiff of my favorite scent – Eau De Pregnant – and people start losing their metaphorical ish. Because, apparently, I’m only allowed to be pregnant a certain amount of times AND within a certain period, or else I’m straight up being sloppy… and that’s not a good look.

Well, that’s what I heard from all the ‘CEO of Ovaries‘ who cared to weigh in on the topic.

So yes, I’ve been told to take a break from baby making, I’ve also been advised to not fall pregnant again. (The word “again” used as an obvious and necessary way to highlight that I’ve been “with child” one too many times for their liking.) Clearly, my ovaries have fulfilled it’s baby making quota and I need to curb my enthusiasm.

Sir, Yes Sir.
Aye, aye Captain!
So thankful for all these regular reminders, you know? It’s, like, SOOOO helpful!

*insert eye roll*

But hey, subliminal bitterness aside, I’m actually pretty immune (read: numb) to comments about the mass production of little William’s that we’ve managed to create and oversee. I mean, one could say that I’m an expert at the polite laugh and quirky comeback already. I don’t even get offended anymore.

But, my own thick skin aside, I didn’t realise just how damaging thoughtless comments could be until someone close me fell pregnant and refused to let anyone know.

Now, this person is married, has a bunch of kids already and provides a stable and happy home environment for all of them. So why be afraid to let people know that she’s pregnant again? Well, because apparently it’s okay to have an opinion about someone else’s ovaries. I mean, don’t tell a school girl what type of hairstyle she’s allowed to wear, and God forbid you try to tell a boy to only play with blue toys, but hey, if you’re needing an outlet, DO tell a Pregnant Mama that she shouldn’t be pregnant again.

Because, you know, “the rest of us” are not wanting to have more than 1 or 2 babies so, uhm, you  should follow that pattern too, Pregnant Mama! How DARE YOU do what YOU want with your own body!!! The outrage! The audacity! Somebody call the EFF immediately, we need some protest action! We demand a lock down level 5 of your ovaries!

*Cough* Okay, that went a bit too far.

Anyways, said Pregnant Mama called me to let me know that she was expecting baby number 7 soon. My reaction? “Oh wow, that’s amazing, why didn’t you tell me earlier?!” She explained that this would probably be her last baby and that she really wanted to enjoy this pregnancy, without the onslaught of negative comments.

Fair enough.

Pregnant Mama went on to tell me that a doctor she visited (he’s a specialist in his field) made such a big deal about the fact that she has carried this many babies successfully. According to him… a specialist who deals with pregnant women on the regular… she should give herself a flippen pat on the back. And she should.

But instead, she chose to keep her miracle 7th pregnancy under wraps… guess why… because she didn’t want to upset OTHER people who wouldn’t appreciate that she is pregnant again. Like, HUH?!

I don’t know about you moms, but when I was pregnant, the last thing I wanted to do was worry about what other people thought about my unborn child… my blessing… my glorious gift from God! And here this Pregnant Mama chose to secretly celebrate her baby with her hubby, when all she wanted to do was tell the world how excited they are.

I guess I will always feel like a victim when this topic comes up.

And I guess that, yep, there are cases where the parents are unable to care for many children. There are situations where the home environment is not ideal for the upbringing of a child.

But I am writing as someone who is able to love and care for (financially) the many kids that I currently have… as someone who has faced judgement, even though my pregnancy’s took place within a happy marriage and stable home situation.

Not here to debate. I’m not Debora Patta.

But what I am here to say is this: don’t try to disguise your judgement as concern.

Because if you’re really concerned about a Pregnant Mama, you would know that creating an atmosphere of love and peace around her is the best thing for her and baby.

If you really are concerned about Pregnant Mama you wouldn’t try to paint her with your paint brush and then wonder why the picture comes out differently. We all have our own dreams and aspirations. Some of us want to be successful career women and entrepreneurs… some of us want to be kickass moms to as many kids as possible. Some of us want to be (and CAN be) both! Neither one is the “better” option. Susan.

And finally, if you really are concerned with Pregnant Mama you would realise that your concern is misplaced. I mean, take your concern and point it towards something that actually needs it. You know? GBV, Race Discrimination, Teenage Pregnancy… pick a struggle. Because I speak on behalf of myself and all the other “moms of many kids” when I say that our ovaries are doing juuuuust fine without your concern, thanks.

3 Comments

  • Andrea Thomas

    A beautiful piece of writing Luchae! I enjoyed reading this! In fact I read it four times! I have 3 girls and I wish I could have had at least 2 more babies! I love been pregnant and the newborn phases and especially love it when my little humans develop a personality all of their own! I second your opinion….. keep your judgement and opinions to yourselves. Some people just don’t have anything nice to say but will rather comment negatively instead of just shhhhhhhh!

  • Lauren Maralack

    So true! Couldn’t have said it better myself! Party pooping-haters with their stink comments in the most joyous of moments. Strange thing is how many questions came before we had kids. And now we have 3, not quite done If God allows, and now get stupid commentary more often than we should. Thanks for venting all that I meant to say about this. Now I’m posting it on my wall❤️

  • Megan Keith

    Yes! I love how you have addressed this! I only have one child, through adoption, and have never been pregnant and I’ve found strangers just as concerned about my ovaries and their lack of producing anything. People need to stay in their lanes! Thank you for this!

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