Help! My baby won’t take the bottle!

My baby boy has decided that he only wants milk from his mama – literally straight from the cow’s udder, so to speak. (Me being the cow, in this instance)  He refuses the bottle, won’t take it, not interested in it and don’t you dare try to make him! It seems like a wonderful problem to have, but is it really? At first I felt oddly flattered like, yeah man, this kid knows who his mom is! But as time passed by and we drew closer and closer to the end of my maternity leave (today’s the last day by the way) I began to panic. My baby won’t take the bottle! Aack! What do I do?!

The wonderful people of social media land shared their advice with me (seriously, thank you guys) and I’ve tried it all, to no success. I’ve attempted literally every single type of bottle teat ever made in the whole wide world (well it feels like it). I’ve filled said bottles with my milk, formula, dipped its tips in a little bit of sugar to lure him to suckle on it, heated it up, cooled it down, did somersaults while juggling it in the air and spinning on my head, but alas, nothing worked.

What makes it even more upsetting is that when the kid is hungry or tired, he goes into this frantic cry/scream that only the boob can comfort. Yes, I did try cup feeding. It upsets him so much that he chokes. I’ve tried the syringe. He’s not impressed. Yep, I’ve tried a sippy cup too. I’ve even attempted to give it to him, in the guise that it’s the boob. He gave me a “are you kidding me, lady?!” look and spat it out. And then I left home for three hours hoping that with me away, he wouldn’t have a choice. Nope. He knows his rights and stood for what he believed in. (Politician in the making?) We’ve found that the only way to get him to take the bottle is when he cries himself to sleep. It’s a horrible, torturous way to feed a baby. But he will only suckle on the teat after he’s cried for an hour and is now dozing off to sleep due to hunger/anger and frustration. Meh. For real. Double meh.

So here we are… hours away from my first day back at work and I’m writing a post that basically documents how this whole bottle feeding thing has been a flop. So there you have it. Word of advice to pregnant moms: Yeah yeah yeah breast is best and give your baby the boob and all of that. But don’t neglect to introduce your baby to the bottle as early as possible (if you’re planning to return to work). The earlier you do it, the better your chances of avoiding bottle rejection. Ask me. Clearly I know.

Moms, any advice for mamas who, like me, are struggling to get their baby to take the bottle?