Heart matters

Dear unborn baby: you are SO loved, I promise!

Guys, I can speak on this from every level possible… as a teenager, who just did a pee stick test in her best friends bathroom; as a newly wed, who planned to only have kids after a few years of “settling down”; as a well seasoned mother of many, who thought that her womb’s work here on earth is done. I know what it feels like to be pregnant and wonder how on earth you got to this place.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, our baby number 3 is totally loved and wanted and this is something that our hearts needed. BUT there have been many times, during this pregnancy, where I found myself going: WHAT ON EARTH WAS I THINKING?!

Now, come on friends, I know that a few of you can relate. Maybe your pregnancy was totally planned, but like me, you find yourself bathing in sheer exhaustion, wishing you could have a break. Or maybe it was a surprise pregnancy and you don’t know how you’re going to manage a newborn on top of all the current drama and challenges in your life. Or perhaps you’re currently trying to perfect the magic balancing act of home/career/marriage/don’t-mess-up-your-kids-lives.

Whatever your story: I hear you, girl.

I’m not here to justify those feelings… but I am here to say that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. I consider this Land of Overwhelm to be a place I sometimes visit, but NOT a place that I will settle down in. I mean, I refuse to make it the mantra of my life. But I’m totally not putting pressure on myself to be a robot and masquerade all these feelings of “aaack” simply because I need to paint a pretty picture for the rest of the world.

I take a breath and acknowledge that I’m in a very crazy season right now. And that’s okay. This pregnancy is different, when compared to the first two. And that’s okay. My body is in a permanent state of giving-me-the-stink-eye, so everything is a bit harder right now. And that’s okay.

I mean, real talk, resting my body has become an island holiday. There is no Journey Journal, no carefully thought out plans and, hey, I haven’t even purchased a single little outfit and I’m due like, next month. But I’m in total peace and I feel totally prepared to welcome this gorgeous bundle of Williams into my arms.

Yep, I’m overwhelmed sometimes… but is this child a beautiful blessing anyways? Yes! A thousand times yes! My baby is loved and adored and so wanted! It’s just different this time around, that’s all.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, if this is you, if you’re overwhelmed sometimes because motherhood is just that rough, there is NOTHING wrong with you.  I see you. I understand the complete overwhelm. And I know that it doesn’t mean that your children are unloved and unwanted. You aren’t living in a glass cage of emotion and regret. You’re just going through a crazy season, that’s all.

Rest in the promise that this is just that: a season. I read that there is a season for every single thing under the sun. And once this one passes, you’ll be able to reflect back on the beautiful memories and marvel at how hard you thought it would be. In retrospect, it will be a raindrop in the ocean of your life.

And then you’ll give yourself a pat on the back, because you’ll realise that you, my friend, are a lot more bad-ass than you know.

Images: Pics taken at the Penelope&Bella photo shoot many moons ago, when I was pregnant with Jonah.

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