being a mother sucks
Parenting

Why being a mother sucks sometimes

Being a mother sucks. What? You don’t agree? Wait, maybe I wasn’t being clear: You know all the amazing parts of being someones mom? Stuff like hearing them call you “mama” for the first time and being able to snuggle up next to them as you read Good night, Mouse for the umpteenth time? Well, those things seem extremely over-rated when you’re exhausted after having to change your bedding (thanks to a massive squirt of newborn poop) and then have to referee an argument between a 2-year old and a 15-year old about who gets to sit on the “big couch”. Oh, hi there, excuse me where are my manners. My name is Luchae Williams and I am the proud owner mother of one newborn, one toddler, step-mom to one primary schooler and mom to one extremely opinionated highschooler. Mental status: Currently losing my mind.

I know, I know, I can hear what you’re thinking. And allow me to reiterate: I DO love my children and I am aware that there are hundreds of women who would give actual limbs to be in my position. But hey, sometimes being mom means keeping it real. And the reality is that my kids drive me crazy! Like “Gone Girl” crazy. Like shaving my hair off ala Britney Spears crazy.

Do your kids make you want to go to the toilet to just sit there, and enjoy the silence? Welcome, friend! Do you often find yourself thinking “oh, just go away!” with a smile on your face, while listening to another boring story about soccer? I see you, girlfriend! Have you ever dreamt about your life pre-children, with stars in your eyes and longing in your heart? I feel your pain, Jane! Does feeling this way make us bad people? Uhhh, nope. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes. Being a parent is not easy and if you think about it, no one asked us to be superhuman. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves?

You know the saying about kids being your heart on the outside of your body? Well that’s the truest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. And I’m old… so I’ve heard a lot of things in my life. The thing is, children trick you. They make you believe that you’re going to fall pregnant, or find that perfect adoption agency, or marry that guy, and suddenly be Super Parent… in a land filled with domesticated sunshine and roses and finger painting parties in the backyard. You chat about a future that holds sleepless nights, more expenses and less time for yourself and you actually think that you’re READY for it. But truth be told, you’re never really ready.

And once that kid is there, in your world, in living color. Oh boy! There is no. turning. back. You are in it for life! Nothing else will be more important ever again. You find yourself semi-moaning (okay in this case alot-of-moaning) about how your kids tire you out and steal your time but the truth is, you don’t want and can’t see a life without them. And no amount of sleep or glitzy career moves or toned abdominal muscles will EVER come close to the way you feel when they call you mama for the first time or when you’re snuggled up reading Good night, Mouse for the umpteenth time.

You become vulnerable… all your mushy parts exposed… living life with your heart on the outside of your body, in tiny human form. And if you’re a spreadsheet brain like I am, you’ll probably think that being a mom sucks too because it feels SO good to belong to them… to be so weak and yet so strong. It’s beautiful and scary and empowering and so very humbling all at the same time.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s worth it.

10 Comments

  • ThisWellRestedAndHappyChildlessLife

    I hate when parents end discussions like these with the ever-so-incredibly lame “But it’s so worth it!” It seems to me (and countless others without children, I’ll add) that it’s merely a way of stating, “I hate parenthood and am exhausted/over-stressed/miserable because of it, but this is the path I’ve chosen and I can’t take it back, so I’m going to try to convince myself that it’s all worth it because I have no choice if I want to keep my sanity and not feel/look to others like a terrible person.” If you truly enjoy parenthood, that’s lovely, but so many parents don’t and yet they feel the need to make the obligatory “But it’s so worth it!” parent response after discussing the downside of being a parent. Just be honest – it’s NOT worth it and you’re freaking MISERABLE.

    • Luchae

      Hmm… for someone who is living the most amazing childless life in the whole world, you sound pretty agitated and far from calm. Mind you, I’m chilling in bed, with my 3 year old make playdoh cookies next to me and my 8 month old snoring soundly in the cot and I feel like I am living my best flippen life ever. What am I trying to say? Well, for starters:
      1. We are human and we moan about alot of things. Our mums, the fact that we’re not skinny enough, our jobs… That does not mean that we dont want to have a mum, or an actual working body or a job.
      2. When your freshly acquired new born puppy poops all over your kitchen floor, you clean it up. It sucks to clean it up, but does it suck to have a new born puppy? Nope.
      3. I cant believe I’m replying to someone who is debating about parenthood while having absolutely no life experience with having a child.
      4. There is no number 4… I’m just out here still shocked at number 3
      Namaste to you and yours… oh wait, you and NOT yours.

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