Heart matters

Fail: Judging a book by its cover

judging A while ago, I was reminded of the silly reasoning behind judging a book by it’s cover. I would love to brag and say that I am SUCH a good person and I never, ever judge anyone, ever! But come on, I’m not perfect. I’ve been as judgey as an Idols judge, plenty of times. I guess it’s something that kinda just happens TO you. I try to keep myself in check all the time, because appearance does not make a man. Well, that’s what I read here. And I’m sticking to it. But the damage that ‘judging a book’ can cause only really hit me when I became the topic of discussion.

My early twenties was a bit rough because I had a child, and no husband. People were nice about it but every so now and then I would hear snickers of “wow, she must’ve been easy” (because how else did I birth a kid out of wedlock,if not by eliciting sexual attention from #alltheguys? Sucky reasoning, right?)judging

I was told of locker room confessions where guys spoke of how they almost asked me out on a date… until they heard that I had a kid. I went for a job interview, were the gent interviewing me asked me how I can say I am responsible if I have a child out of wedlock. All of a sudden, my “value” decreased and my motive and ability was questioned, simply because my childhood sweetheart and I had made a mistake. (Well, not really a ‘mistake’ if you consider the fact that my son is a legend). People looked at the situation and made up their minds about me. No questions asked. It was so dumb. Granted, it was the early 2000’s and teenage pregnancy was still a big shocker to society.

Anyways, it kinda broke me for a while, until I realized that I am the product of my own choices. These people and their lame idea of who I am could only affect me if I let it. And I chose to never, ever let it. I could give you the whole “worked hard, put my kid through school, blah blah” spiel, but that’s not why I’m here.

This topic came to mind recently, when a situation showed me that we are so focused on having the right IMAGE. We place value on unimportant ish like what we look like and what we are wearing and driving and who we are friends with. We, the human beings, in all our cleverness, are forcing ourselves to put on a persona, so that we can be deemed as socially acceptable. And then, as if pressuring ourselves isn’t bad enough, we also then apply the same standard to others. This forces us to judge people on their appearance, and we don’t even know why we are doing it. I mean, who are we, in our limited capacity of “people skills”, to call someone out on something that we’ve made up in our heads? The audacity of us!

family I’d like to think of myself as homely. Wife and mom first. Everything else second. I love God and believe that I have a real relationship with Him. It affects every part of my life and (I’d like to think) the way I treat others.

I can be creative if you want me to. I can be serious, if the situation calls for it and can joke around sometimes mainly most of the time. There are many facets to me – and I am sure that there are many facets to you, too. And as vast as that is, it also gives you an indication of who I am NOT. Well, I’d like to think that it does. At the end of the day I can’t force you to believe me. But I can allow you to stand by and see the fruit of my character, as you get to know me. I think it’s time to lay off the “judge” guys and grow a heart. Myself included.


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