Archive of ‘marriage’ category

When husband says no to the dress

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I recently went dress shopping and spotted a bunch of seriously cute (and seriously short) dresses. (Who are they making these things for? The smurfs?!) There were a few decent picks but, when I tried them on, I kinda knew that Hubstopher would not approve. Not that he regularly dresses me, I kinda wear what I want. But when it comes to the length of my skirt or the inches of cleavage that I am showcasing, he prefers to have the final say. And I let him. But I wondered if I was wrong in doing so. What would you do when husband says no to the dress? (more…)

Our Wedding Anniversary: The night out that never happened

Luchae and Chris Williams (C) Donna vd Watt Photography 0242 1

16 December 2013 :) Photo: Donna van der Watt Photography

Last Wednesday, December 16th (or National Wedding Day as JustEllaBella calls it) happened to be OUR wedding anniversary too. It’s only our second one, but it feels like we’ve been married for YEARS. I think that this is partially due to the fact that we entered the marriage with a kid each, which meant instant family. (Family in a box! Think about it… It could sell…) And then 2 months after our short lived honeymoon, I discovered I was pregnant. So it feels like we’ve been Brady Bunch from the get go.

Last year, we celebrated our 1st anniversary at a family member’s wedding. Our baba was a few weeks old and I was still breastfeeding… so I could not wait to get home to her! But this year… oh this year! We could actually relish in the fact that we chose each other :) Our curly girly was old enough to stay with granny for more than an hour and we really took advantage of that.

We tried to get each other cotton gifts (you know… the anniversary themed gifts thing)… but it didn’t go as well as planned. I ended up getting him a bunch of stuff that included a box of Turkish Delights (his favs) and this Google Box accessory thing that he has been throwing hints about, like a SA spin bowler. You strap your cellphone into it and it becomes a portable 3D viewer. So you can play games and watch 3D videos.Yes, I know. Why would you evens want to. Anyways.

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I must say, I was really surprised by the gift he gave me! In fact, when I saw the American Swiss box, I thought maybe he was playing a Leon Schuster on me and the box was empty because “all his love” was in it. But no sir, this was not the case! I opened said box and found a beautiful pair of heart-shaped diamante earrings and a matching necklace inside! This is a big deal and a surprise because he has never ever given me jewelry before (besides for my wedding and engagement rings) because I don’t really wear jewelry that much. But this is so pretty and simple… love it! Good job husband, good job.

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And that’s how our anniversary morning kicked off. The rest of the day was spent out and about with our littlest one (her brothers were with their respective other parents). We took her out to breakfast (she climbed Spurs tables, threw their crayons on the floor to watch them drop and tried to give our waitress a smooch)

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Then to meet Father Christmas (she was not impressed with the strange man wearing Winter clothes in the midst of Summer).

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We had waffles at this cute place called Cereal Cafe, at The Boardwalk.
They literally use sugary cereal to top your dessert of choice. So fun! So tasty! So unhealthy!

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We ended up at PE’s newest mall for a stroll and to buy a few things for our date night. This girl was so cute, in the trolley, munching away on cheese curls. (And then she got bored with them and left a cheese curls trail – think Hansel and Gretel style – down a fairly long aisle at PicknPay and tried to feed some to another customer).

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I realize it may seem weird that we spent the whole day with her – I mean, it was OUR anniversary and all (and all). But I think that curly is our beautiful reminder that God restores! When Hubstopher and I met, we were both broken people, each sharing a kid with another person that we were not in a relationship with. And although I give kudo’s to single parents world wide, let me be real and say that it is HARD! No matter how great your relationship is with the other parent… Or if all the families involved have healthy home situations. It’s still hard. It’s hard to know that your kid will never know what it feels like to have mommy and daddy live in the same house. It’s hard to share your child with a whole other set of parents and family members. It’s heart wrenching when 1 parent only gets to see the Christmas morning face and the other half only gets to see the Christmas evening smiles. Or, in my case, not see any Christmas action at all. (My boy’s dad lives in Cape Town). But God restores. Having Him at the centre of it all has really helped us find balance.

And then came our curly girl! She was the cherry on the cake! And looking at her is a sweet reminder that she is OURS! And we are HER parents! Together! When I asked my husband what his favorite part of our 2 years of marriage was, he promptly said “Karis”. Well, he wanted to say Karis. But I was like, DONT SAY KARIS! And then he said “I don’t know”. Hahaha.

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For our date night, we decided stay in doors :) Curly was with her babysitter and we had all the time in the world to dress up and go out. But we figured, why be surrounded by lots of people when we can be indoors and just be the 2 of us. It was perfect.

I am so inlove with this crazy man!
And I am so thankful that God makes all things work for my good – even when it did not look so good in the beginning.

He saved the best for last.

Why having a perfect marriage is hard and stuff

having a perfect marriage is hard

Having a perfect marriage is hard work. Yes, I have the perfect marriage. Don’t you? I mean, I married my husband and he’s the perfect guy for me. And since I am also perfect for him, and all of that, this must mean that we have the perfect marriage, right?

I mean, we planned our wedding before we even got engaged! In fact, we spoke about getting married before we started dating. Actually, we spoke about dating while we were still friends. It seems like we were always so over eager to get into a serious relationship that would result in us being married to each other. We could not wait! I remember all the sleepless nights, lying in bed with my cellphone glued to my hand, typing away furiously and waiting anxiously for him to reply to my texts. And the days when we would drag out the moments between being together and him going home. I could not wait to get married then!

Hmm Facebook, I wasn’t Luchae WILLIAMS back then :)

Fast forward a few years, a wedding and a baby later. Things look a little bit different to what we both had in mind. Marriage was meant to be sunshine and roses and me cooking the perfect meals while he secretly writes me love letters. Yeah, it’s not quite that.. It’s much more “babe, did you buy bread?”   “babe, can you please go and buy bread?”   “baby, why didn’t you buy the bread yet?”   “babe, must I go buy the bread myself?” I mean, we didn’t even consider the fact that we need to buy bread every day, when we had hearts in our eyes. No sir, food did not matter. Bills did not matter. Love was all we needed.

But reality check: Life is real! Kids need to be picked up from school, grocery shopping must be done and hey, someone needs to clean the darn house! Where’s the time to work on this perfect marriage we had dreamed of? I’ve learnt that marriage is a journey… it’s not a destination. You don’t just say ‘I do’ and end up in a land where everything is rosy and perfect. It’s more like, you say ‘I do’ and then get on the train together and work towards being the perfect partner for your wife/husband. And yes, while being on said train, you might feel a bit overcrowded. Maybe you need to use the loo now and then, but you have a kid on your lap. Maybe you wanted the window seat and oh look, he insists on sitting at the window. The situation is not exactly perfect.

But when you wake up each morning and choose each other all over again and choose to stay together, well, then that means you have the perfect marriage FOR YOU. A big part of being married to someone who happens to not be an exact replica of me has taught me tough lessons on how to be selfless. I am learning the beautiful art of forgiving more freely and saying ‘I’m sorry’ more easily. After a while, who left the toothpaste uncapped is less important than being able to cuddle next to your husband. Peace eventually takes precedence over being right. And having the perfect marriage means being perfect for each other, more than self gratification.

The Bible says that he who finds a wife find a good thing. It also says that where there is unity God commands His blessing over it. I challenge myself to always remain that “good thing” in my Hubstopher’s life and to remember that we are at our strongest when we are united.

Having the perfect marriage is hard and stuff. But oh the perks of being the best kind of wife to my husband… so worth it all!

How to survive being married to a musician

being married to a musician

Our wedding day (Photo: Donna vd Watt Photography)

Being married to a musician has its perks. Strange perks (like when he decides to “beat box” to you ranting about something) but perks, none the less. Are you dating a muso? Well then, girlfriend, this advice is for you!

How to survive being married to a musician
1. Learn to not look up when he refers to “Pooky” because it’s probably his guitar. Understand that he names his instrument. It will probably be an even mushier term of endearment than he has for you.

2. Expect him to spend a fair sum of money on things like strings, pads and sticks. (Clip note: They are not what you think they are.)

3. Never ever refer to a singer as a “musician”. You are only deserving of the title “musician” when you play an instrument.

4. Do not break into hysterics when you find him making this facial expressions while listening to music:

No, he is not having a mild heart attack. This just means that he likes and admires what he is listening to. (It also means that he probably did not hear you shriek loudly in panic anyways.)

5. Get use to listening to music on it’s highest volume. Or be okay with him wearing headphones all the time. Because there is no other way to really listen to music.

6. “Sound Check” – Definition: You will be at the event hours before anyone else is. 

7. When the lights go on and everyone goes home after an event, keep calm while you watch him potter around on stage. Be prepared to hang around as he “jams” with the band… yes, the same band he just “jammed” with for the past hour.

8. Learn how to speak “muso”:
Quick lesson:
A “sick” bassline means that it’s good.
When someone is a “beast”, they are quite skilled with their instrument.

And remember:
“Shedding” does not refer to hair loss.
“Breaks” does not mean someone broke something on stage.
“Double time” and “Half time” has nothing to do with sport.

These views and opinions are solely based on my experiences. Reference: 

 

Marriage and Melodies: Our feature in JStar Blomag

The nice lady (Mvokazi Mjayezi-Ncede) from JStar Blomag emailed me a few weeks ago asking if they could please feature Chris and I in the August edition. We obviaaasly had to say yes! What an honor! 
We got to share about how we met, what brought us together and what keeps us together! 
Chris and I met a couple of years ago and sorry Hollywood, it wasnt exactly “love and first sight”. 
We became really good friends first and I think that is so important! We got to know each others ins and outs before deciding if this was “the one”. 
I am no relationship expert, but since I’ve been in a few (the longest one – prior to Chris – being 7 years!) I am an advocate for “let’s first be friends”. I see sooo many people jumping from one relationship to another – how tiring! 
One of our church pastors said something profound once. 
He said that making up and breaking up all the time is kinda like desensitizing you to divorce. 
It becomes a learned behavior. It just made sense to me and looking around at all the beautiful marriages I see, I find that the people who have been less exposed to unstable relationships believe in LOVE and the “Happy Ever After” even more than those who have experienced constant break ups. 
I’m not slamming “dating”, but I do feel that going into a “serious” relationship is such a big decision. Why waste your time with someone who you do not want to spend the rest of your life with? Why waste THEIR time? 
Anyways, so in this edition of JStar, you’ll read more about us and how we met and what we believe to be the glue that keeps us together :) 
I love this magazine, besides for the obvious reasons haha :), because it features amazing stories, testimonies and advice for regular people, from regular people, on behalf of regular people. 
Regular. 
(Had to say it again). 
There’s no sugar coating, no flashy misconceptions and total truths that are sure to inspire you and help make you feel a little less crazy and a little more motivated to be a better you! 
Check out the Jstar site, to get the online magazine and to get the August edition with us in it. 
Heehee!  
I feel so faaaamous now and stuff! :) 
xxxL 

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