My spreadsheet brain

I shouldn’t be alive: I could have been aborted {Birthday Celebrations}

AbortedGo shorty! It’s my birthday! Well not today, tomorrow. And I’m not short. But that’s not the point here. As you can tell, I’ve been living in a glass cage of emotion the past few days. As the 18th of March draws closer I’m filled with more emotion than I care to share. I guess it’s exciting to turn one year older when you’re like, 20, and you can’t wait to be 21. But after you reach that 30 year mark, it all becomes one big blur of birthday celebrations and you find a deeper meaning behind each year that God has blessed you with. 

So this year, to encourage healthy gratitude, I decided to focus on the very miracle of life… my life, to be exact.. and the fact that God has chosen me to be here! He has a plan and a purpose for every single life – yes, even yours. I don’t know about you but I’ve overcome sooo many things in this lifetime. Like the time that I fell out of a moving vehicle and when I went through my “party till I die!” season. But if I have to be totally honest, it’s a miracle that I was even born.

I could have been aborted
My mom and I have 1 thing in common: We both had babies at 19 years old. I believe that the decisions you make in your lifetime can affect and be passed down to your children and children’s children. I think that this may be one of those things.

My mom fell pregnant with me when she was 18 years old. She was a senior in high school and nowhere near ready for marriage or motherhood. She had been seeing my dad, but it wasn’t an official thing yet at that time, so the pregnancy came as a huge shocker for both of them. I mean, I wasn’t exactly planned or anything.

Being a young girl, in the prime of her life (and a beauty queen at that), many things ran through her mind at that point. I mean, this lady is very intelligent (hence where I get my brains from) and I am sure that she had big dreams… plans that had to come to a halt because of dear old me.

An old friend of my mom (who is now a stark, raving lunatic) once told me, in malice, that my mom wanted to “get rid” of me when she found out she was pregnant with me. The statement kinda took me aback and I grappled with whether or not I should even believe it, due to the unreliable source of information (like I said: stark, raving lunatic). But then I came to the conclusion that situations like these (and I would know, because I’ve been through it too) open up a door for you to entertain things that you would normally not even consider.

So maybe my parents did consider alternate solutions when they heard that there was a baby on the way. Maybe they did have a mini freak out. Maybe they did break down and cry. Maybe my mom did consider having me aborted. I get it. I really do. And I’m not even mad about it. It makes me more appreciative of the fact that I somehow still made it, against the odds. Whether or not abortion was an option, I am thankful that I was chosen… She chose me; my life over hers. And that is something that I will always be thankful for.

When I told her that I am writing this post she acknowledged that we have a similar testimony and that the success thereof makes it worth the share. I think that it’s beautiful how God is able to turn our mess into a message and that He has a plan for every single life – whether it was planned or not.

This song, by Bethel Music, has always been special to me. It speaks about our good God, who rescues us from death and despair. We don’t even deserve it, yo! But He does it… over and over again, and sometimes we don’t even recognize His saving grace in a situation. I hope you’re brave enough to have a listen and to allow the message of the song to speak to your heart, as it has to mine!



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