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My Spreadsheet Brain

A South African parenting blog, complete with clever quips and a dash of humor

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    • Beauty
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  • My spreadsheet brain

    A late recap of 2018 because I can

    January 7, 2019 /

    As the snotty title of this post implies, I’ve only now woken up and realized that I did not post my mandatory recap of the previous year yet. I blame this on the lazy holidays and my brains inability to function when I’m not wearing any make up. (Anyone else find it hard to focus when you’re not dressed for a work day?) Anyways, excuses aside, I’ve decided to do my 2018 recap, even though we’re one week deep into 2019 because I can and I want to and you can’t make me stop! (Childish tantrum, anyone?) Anyways, here’s a bit of a recap on the past year: January I…

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    Christmas Crazy: I blame my family for Christmas

    November 1, 2018 /

    I blame my family for Christmas. Most of my childhood memories are centered around the festive season and you guys, this explains a lot about why I’m Christmas Crazy! I mean, growing up, Christmas was always been the BEST time of the year. I grew up with a bunch of sweet Christmas traditions,that made it really hard to hate the season, if you know what I mean.When I was younger, Christmas usually meant new clothes (right down to the undies, yo), fresh hair, going to church in the morning and coming home to open presents and enjoy family time. In our neighborhood, the kids would go from house to house,…

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    Update: A letter from a sick persons bed

    September 13, 2018 /

    If you’re reading this please know that my common sense has prevailed and prevented me from running with the completely morbid opening sentence that I had originally intended for this piece of writing. Hello. Welcome. Shalom. How are you? I’m fine, thank you. Well, I’m 100% percent sure that my body is healed and it just has to catch up with the truth that it’s healed, if you know what I mean. The past two weeks have been completely insane, as far as weeks are concerned. Besides for singing my tonsils out at our church conference and DVD recording (only to later discover that, oh joy, my tonsils aren’t very…

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    My husband unfollowed me on Instagram and other completely unnecessary wifey drama that he puts up with

    August 28, 2018 /

    How’s your “completely unnecessary wifey drama” looking? Well here’s mine: the other day my husband – the only one I have – unfollowed me on Instagram and I was outraged! Is nothing sacred?! I mean, unfollowing me on Instagram is basically the same as unfollowing me in LIFE! I was flabbergasted. And while I sat there, fuming, in a pile of my own feelings, I decided to drop him a very heated Whatsapp message just to let him know what I think of him and his uncouth behavior. He responded with a smirk emoticon (gasp – the audacity) and a one liner that said “I’m teaching you a lesson”. Uhm,…

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    Can you please stop falling for fake news?!

    August 22, 2018 /

    My friends, I love you. But I seriously need you to stop falling for fake news on the interwebs. I mean, seriously. No, they did not find a mermaid off the coast of Jamaica. And no, there has not been a UFO siting in Japan. And for the love of all that is good, NO, Facebook is not going to delete your account unless you copy and paste a poorly worded status update. The thing about hoax news is that it can be damaging. That’s right. I said DAMAGING. Ask the teens, from Durban, who can’t leave home because someone played a prank on them by posting their pics on…

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    My top 5 parenting posts are full of drama

    August 16, 2018 /

    Apparently this space is called a parenting blog. I say “apparently” because when I started blogging I didn’t like, have a formula or a specific niche in mind. I just enjoy talking. And singing. I sometimes sing while I’m talking. But that’s not the point. I have a lot to say, man. And I loved that this blog space allowed me to say what I want, without anyone tell me to be quiet. I’ve met a bunch of really fabulous mamas while on this blogging journey. Yep, I’m talking about you guys… the ones who message me with tips and tricks when I’m struggling to get my child to make…

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    5 reasons why you need to stop asking me to have another baby

    July 2, 2018 /

    It’s no secret, we have more children than members of Destiny’s Child. I mean, if you told me a couple of years ago that my reign in the ‘Single Mommy Hood’ would be short-lived and replaced with a full on explosion of many children, I would’ve laughed at you. But years later, here I sit stretch mark bedecked and permanently exhausted due to the fact that I seem to enjoy buying nappies. (Kidding) And yet, people still ask me when I’m popping out the next little Williams. Bless their hearts. But seriously guys, you need to stop asking me to have another baby. Here’s why: Mommy incubator I am more…

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    Be the light – got the tshirt? {Giveaway}

    April 30, 2018 /

    Be the light… please? Yep, that’s kinda the mantra around these here parts. I mean, I liked it so much, I put it on a tshirt. How’s that for dedication? But okay, I know what you’re thinking… “What on earth does it even mean, girl?” Well, I’m here to answer questions and give things away… two things I do often as a mother. When I started this blog in 2011 it was more of an online diary of sorts because I felt as if I had a lot to say and nowhere to put all of it. A couple of years later, Ella convinced me to “go live” and share…

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    Dear telemarketer… it’s not me, it’s you…

    March 29, 2018 /

    I’m not in the mood to be dramatic and emotional today, so I sha’nt, but for the love of all that is good and holy, can somebody please tell all the dear telemarketers of the world that we have a lot of children and not enough money to spend on every single product they try to sell us on the daily?! The worst is when they act as if you’re being rude because your response to their (often deflated) sales pitch is no thank you. I mean, I get it Celeste, this is your job. Heck, I sell digital advertising for a living. Your pain is my pain, sister. But…

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    Meet the Mommy Blogger: Eleanor Douglas-Meyers of JustEllaBella

    March 16, 2018 /

    One of my favorite bloggers to date also happens to be a really good friend of mine. Eleanor Douglas-Meyers of JustEllaBella pretty much introduced me to blogging many a moon ago, when we wore high heels for fun and drank pink drinks out of fish bowls. Today, a lot has changed. Well, for starters, we’ve ditched the heels and drinks and instead sip on copious amounts of coffee while comparing mommy notes and planning one of our favorite events of the year: #ECMeetUp! I’m honestly not sure how on earth we get things done because our conversations are basically a bunch of real-life movie trailers cropped and pasted together into…

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